IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More people are choosing to follow vegetarian or vegan diets. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative trend?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, a number of individuals
decided
Verb problem
have decided
show examples
 to follow vegetarain or vegan diet throughout their life,
this
Linking Words
because
Verb problem
is because
show examples
 of their ethical concerns toward animals and
health
Use synonyms
 issues
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
flesh caused
Correct word order
be caused by flesh
show examples
.In my view,
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development because it can encourage healthier lifestyles and reduce some of the negative environmental consequences of
meat
Use synonyms
 production.
Body paragraph 1
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days,more
people
Use synonyms
 are avoiding
meat
Use synonyms
 because they are increasingly concerned about its potential
health
Use synonyms
effects
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
Because
Fix capitalization
because
show examples
 research and public
health
Use synonyms
 information have highlighted possible links between excessive consumption of certain types of
meat
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
 problems.So as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 ,
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 tried to reduce
meat
Use synonyms
 consumption and replace it with plant-based food to stay healthier for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it can help
people
Use synonyms
 to have balanced eating habits.
However
Linking Words
, another reason
let
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 avoid eating any kinds of flesh is their
ethtical
Correct your spelling
ethical
 concerns.
This
Linking Words
 is because many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that animals should not be killed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 as human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 we can find another
alternitive
Correct your spelling
alternative
 for
meat
Use synonyms
 to survive.For
examples
Check wording
example
show examples
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 many
west
Fix capitalization
Western
show examples
 countries
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 make compaign awareness to stop
killing
Correct article usage
the killing
show examples
animals
Change preposition
of animals
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Overall
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 can have positive
effects
Use synonyms
 because consuming more plant-based foods may encourage healthier eating habits,
while
Linking Words
 reducing
meat
Use synonyms
 consumption can
also
Linking Words
 lessen the environmental impact associated with livestock.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent studies
reducing
Verb problem
have shown that reducing
show examples
 the amount of
eating
Replace the word
apply
flesh helps
people
Use synonyms
 to be more active throughout the day.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 has some negative
effects
Use synonyms
 ,
such
Linking Words
 as
economical
Replace the word
economic
 issues.
That is
Linking Words
 to
say
Punctuation problem
say,
show examples
 when
people
Use synonyms
 started to stop eating
meat
Use synonyms
 or even reduce the amount of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
,
then
Linking Words
 the
farmer
Fix the agreement mistake
farmers
show examples
 will lose a lot of money because their benefits
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 from their dairy products.
Conclusion
In conclusion , In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 are choosing vegetarian and vegan diets mainly because of
health
Use synonyms
 and ethical concerns. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a positive
trend
Use synonyms
 because it can help
people
Use synonyms
 live healthier lives and reduce animal suffering.But at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 can
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative
effects
Use synonyms
, which
affect particularly
Correct word order
particularly affect
show examples
farmers
to gain
Change preposition
in gaining
show examples
 more money from their diary product.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. You explain why people stop eating meat, but your view on the good and bad sides needs more depth.
task response
Keep one clear main view. You say the trend is good, but later you give a bad side without clearly showing why the good side is still stronger.
task response
Develop each reason with a clear link: reason, explanation, and example. For health, say what kind of meat or eating habit may cause harm, and why plant food can help.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The point about people in western countries making campaigns is too broad. Give one country, group, or clear case if you can.
task response
Be careful with the point about farmers. Farmers may also sell milk, eggs, beans, or other food, so do not say all their money comes from dairy products.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, reasons for the trend, why it is mainly good, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one main idea. The first body paragraph gives health and animal care together; these would be clearer in separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Some links are not complete or are repeated, such as "This is Because", "So as result", and "However".
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence is complete and easy to follow. For example, change "this because of their ethical concerns" to "This is because of ethical concerns about animals and health concerns about meat."
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the conclusion opening. Write "In conclusion" only once, then give your final view in one or two clear sentences.
task response
You answer both questions by giving reasons for the diet change and by sharing a clear view that the trend is mainly good.
task response
Your main reasons are relevant: health, care for animals, and the effect of meat production on the earth.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as "However", "For instance", and "In conclusion", to show changes between ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: