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Band 5.5

All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that adds study abroad course for the
students
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 in the university has a pivotal role in improving the education system.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that it is time-consuming.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, some people believe that studying abroad for a short period provides new experiences for the
students
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.
In other words
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, communication with other
students
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 from different countries helps exchange information and knowledge that can rise education level of the university.
In addition
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, it has benefits
on
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for
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 the student’s personality. When they are separated from their family
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, this
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this
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, it allows them to be independent and many skills , like problem-solving, will be improved.
For example
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, during summer vacation, some
students
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 spent their time in a European country for learning English language , that assisted them to jump a semester.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some people think that it needs a huge
fund
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amount of money
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 to apply to the course. It is possible to say that travelling abroad needs special money to cover all facilities and needs of the
students
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 for a short period of time.
Moreover
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, spending
this
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 time on studying and getting high grades is more beneficial.
For instance
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, when you travel outside, you consider it a vacation and have fun.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that applying a course during university study has an important role in the education era

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. Say if the good points are greater than the bad points, and keep this same view to the end.
task response
Talk about both parts of the question: study abroad and work placement. The essay now mainly talks about study abroad, so the answer is not fully complete.
task response
Explain why the good points are greater than the bad points. For example, say that real work skills, new ideas, and being able to live alone can help students for many years, while cost and time are short-term problems.
task response
Make examples more clear and real. The example about learning English and 'jump a semester' is hard to understand. Explain what happened and how it supports your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction with your view, one paragraph for good points, one paragraph for bad points, and a conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. This will make the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'Therefore'. Do not use phrases like 'In other words' unless you really say the same idea in a clearer way.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion stronger. Do not say 'there are no easy answers' if you have an opinion. State clearly that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and give one short reason.
task response
You give both good and bad points, including new experiences, better independence, cost, and less time for study.
task response
Your essay has examples, which shows an effort to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as 'On one hand', 'In addition', 'Moreover', and 'For instance'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • study abroad
  • work placement
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • academic knowledge
  • open-minded
  • independent
  • self-confidence
  • adapt to change
  • career chances
  • cultural understanding
  • language skills
  • financial cost
  • family responsibilities
  • compulsory
  • flexible choice
  • personal growth
  • hands-on learning
  • future employer
  • equal opportunity
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