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Band 7

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in Europe country between 1979 and 2004.

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The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in Europe country between 1979 and 2004.
The line graph provides the usage of fish and four different types of meat in Europe country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the consumption of
lamb
Use synonyms
 slightly went down
while
Linking Words
 the use of
beef
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 fluctuated at first and
then
Linking Words
 went downwards.
However
Linking Words
, chicken has risen,
whereas
Linking Words
 fish has remained stable. The figure of chicken consumed per individual a week witnessed an increase from 1979, with less than 150
grams
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 and in 2004 it reached around 249
grams
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the amount of consumed fish
grams
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 remained constant from1979 near 52
grams
Use synonyms
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 the end of the period, with slightly less than 50
grams
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,
beef
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 and
lamb
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 illustrated a decline.
Lamb
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 decreased
less than
Correct word order
apply
show examples
beef
Use synonyms
 by around one-third the amount of consumption. In 1979,
beef
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 had close to 210
grams
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,
while
Linking Words
lamb
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 had 150
grams
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, and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period,
beef
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 went down to near 110,
while
Linking Words
lamb
Use synonyms
 was lower, with a range of 60
grams
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words lamb, beef, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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