IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern technology is changing our world. This has advantages such as bringing people closer together through communication. It also has disadvantages such as destroying the differences between cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The change of our world by modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has its own
advantages
Use synonyms
 and disadvantages.
One
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 advantage is bringing
people
Use synonyms
 together through communication, and
one
Use synonyms
 other disadvantage is destroying the cultural
differences
Use synonyms
. I believe that modern
technology
Use synonyms
's disadvantages need to be seen and talked about at some point
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, its
advantages
Use synonyms
 are benefiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will give a clear reasoning for my opinion and illustrate many examples from my own experience.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
one
Use synonyms
 of the
advantages
Use synonyms
 that comes with modern
technology
Use synonyms
 is how it brings
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community members together through communication. Each individual finds it much easier to socialise through
technology
Use synonyms
, as it's less official.
For example
Linking Words
, in COVID days, I found it very hard to socialise with
people
Use synonyms
 in real life, and social media made it easy to communicate with others.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the newest types of
technology
Use synonyms
 can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society members together, as it indeed happened back in the 2020 COVID days.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 main disadvantage of modern
technology
Use synonyms
 is destroying the
differences
Use synonyms
 between cultures.
People
Use synonyms
 nowadays find it difficult to maintain their cultural
differences
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 modern
technology
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, from my own experience, seeing different types of cultures confused my mind
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what my real traditions are, and I noticed myself copying other cultural traditions.
To sum up
Linking Words
, modern
technology
Use synonyms
 can destroy individuals' cultural
differences
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the change of
nowdays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
technology
Use synonyms
 can result in bringing the society together through
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
, and might
apply
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative impact by destroying the
differences
Use synonyms
 among cultures.
However
Linking Words
 , the
advantages
Use synonyms
 that come with it are significantly more than the disadvantages.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the new technologies,
people
Use synonyms
 can now communicate and get closer despite the
destroyment
Correct your spelling
destruction
 of the cultural
differences
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clearer answer to how far you agree. Say from the start that you mostly agree, or mostly disagree, and keep this same view in every part.
task response
Explain why the good side is stronger than the bad side. Your essay says this, but it does not fully show why. Add one more clear reason, such as help with work, study, or family contact.
task response
Make the culture point more full. Explain how people can copy the same clothes, music, food, or ways of life online, and how this may make local ways less common.
task response
Your COVID example is useful and on the topic. Make it more exact by saying how video calls or social media helped you stay in touch with friends or family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, good side, bad side, and ending. Keep this plan, but make each main paragraph start with one direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. Words such as “For example”, “Therefore”, and “On the other hand” are helpful, but do not use “To sum up” in the middle of the essay. Save it for the final part.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times, such as people coming together and culture being destroyed. Add new detail after each main idea instead.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and form for clearer flow: use “nowadays”, “destruction”, “socialise”, and “community members”. Also remove the space before a comma in “However,”.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: better communication and less difference between cultures.
task response
You give a real example from the COVID time, which helps show your point about communication.
coherence and cohesion
The reader can follow your ideas easily because each paragraph has a clear job.
coherence and cohesion
The ending gives your main view again: the good side is greater than the bad side.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: