IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that travel helps us to appreciate other cultures. How true is this statement? Do you think that people who travel a lot appreciate other cultures more than those who stay at home? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

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Introduction
There has been a saying that travelling helps in appreciating other
cultures
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. Individuals who
travel
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,
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apply
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 get
alot
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a lot
 of experience through
people
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 and
culture
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. Travelling itself teaches many lessons. In
this
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 essay , we will be discussing how
travel
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 helps us to accept and appreciate other
cultures
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.
Body paragraph 1
Every country has a
culture
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 and tradition , and
people
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 love their own
by
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at
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 heart. Through travelling we get to experience
differents
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different
cultures
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 and festivities.
For example
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, in Pakistan , after fasting for the whole month of
ramadan
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Ramadan
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,
people
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 celebrate three days of
eid
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Eid
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.
Although
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,
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apply
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its
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it's
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 a religious practice
but
Correct word choice
,
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 it's
also
Linking Words
 part of their
culture
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 to celebrate
eid
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Eid
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 with full happiness.
Similarly
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 , in India,
people
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 have many cultural events like holi,
diwali
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Navratri
,
navratri
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apply
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and many more.
Additionally
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, chinese have their own
new year
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New Year
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which
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, which
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 is the biggest event of the year for
chinese
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Chinese
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people
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.
However
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, if
people
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 from Europe and America
would
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apply
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visit Asia for the first time, they will definitely have a cultural shock , but individuals and families
,
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apply
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who
travel
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 frequently will accept and
apppreciate
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appreciate
 their
culture
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 and enjoy those events.
Body paragraph 2
Talking more about travelling,
i
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I
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 once travelled to
spain
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Spain
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 back in 2021, where
i
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I
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 saw the festival of
la tomatina
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La Tomatina
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, where
people
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 fight with overripe tomatoes. The festival lasted for one hour
and
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, and
show examples
 it happens
evey
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every
 year in
august
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August
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. At
first,
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it felt weird
but
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, but
show examples
 as
i
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I
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 got to know more,
i
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I
show examples
 understood that it's part of
spanish
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Spanish
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culture
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 and
people
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 wholeheartedly celebrate throwing tomatoes . Clearly,
People
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 like me , who stay at home and don't
travel
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much
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much,
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 would absolutely find
such
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 festivals and
cultures
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 odd at first.
Conclusion
In the end, we would like to say that travelling and experiencing events
teaches
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teach
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 you lessons that books can not. It changes the perspective of how you look at things and life. Travelling helps in accepting the fact that we are not all
same
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the same
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,
people
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 can have their own traditions
but
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, but
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 at the same time we can co-exist.
Additonally
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Additionally
, you get to meet amazing
people
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 of other ethnicities and
cultures
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. Mostly ,
people
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 are very welcoming and love to
greed
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greet
show examples
 and host foreigners.

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task response
State your full view more clearly in the first part. Say that travel often helps people value other cultures, but it does not always do so.
task response
Answer the second question more directly. Explain why people who travel often may be more open, but some people at home can also learn from books, films, and friends.
task response
Your Pakistan, India, China, and Spain examples fit the topic well. Add more detail about what a visitor learns from one or two of them, rather than naming many events.
task response
The Spain story is useful and personal. Explain how it changed your own ideas about Spanish people or their way of life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main parts, and ending. Make each main part begin with one clear idea, then give an example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words, such as “culture”, “travelling”, and “people”. Use simple changes like “local life”, “customs”, “visitors”, and “this experience”.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “However” should show a clear contrast; in the first main part, “For this reason” or “As a result” may work better.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the point of view the same. Do not move from “I” to “we” without a reason. In the ending, write “I believe” or use a general form such as “travel can help people”.
coherence and cohesion
Check full stops, spaces, and capital letters. For example, write “a lot”, “different cultures”, “Chinese”, “I”, and “Ramadan”.
task response
You give a clear main idea: travel can help people understand and value ways of life that are new to them.
task response
The personal example from Spain is relevant and helps make your view real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Examples are placed near the ideas they support, so the reader can understand your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exposes
  • directly
  • appreciate
  • appreciation
  • respect
  • open-mindedness
  • adaptability
  • navigate
  • social norms
  • lifestyles
  • diversity
  • interactions
  • stereotypes
  • preconceived notions
  • nuanced
  • shift attitudes
  • aesthetic
  • landscapes
  • architectures
  • engagement
  • superficial
  • commercialized
  • conscious
  • respectful
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