IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe it is the responsibility of government to take care of the environment, others think people are resonsible for it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
It is often debated
that
Correct word choice
apply
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whether
onus
Correct article usage
the onus
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 is on
government
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the government
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 to look after the environment or
is
Correct word choice
whether
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 it responsibility of
general
Correct article usage
the general
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 public. I will delve into both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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 in subsequent paragraphs and give my considered opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On
the
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apply
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one side of
spectrum
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the spectrum
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 are those who believe that
policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
 should take sole ownership of
surroundings
Correct determiner usage
their surroundings
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by
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through
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 their corrective actions. Government supposed to develop policies to reduce any type of pollution.
For example
Linking Words
, rules of automobile smoke, industrial waste, garbage dumping or oven forest cutting all ruling and implementations must be performed by representatives of federal or provincial bodies.
Additionally
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, international laws and recommendations from
UN
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the UN
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 or relevant authorities
communicate
Wrong verb form
are communicated
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 to officials only. Authorities
to
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are to
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 rectify those
finding
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findings
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 and implement the corrective action plan.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others believe that looking after the environment is primarily
individual`s
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an individual`s
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 responsibility. People have to educate each other both at
household
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the household
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 or at
industrial
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the industrial
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 level to persist with smart practices to prevent atmosphere. Noise, air,
water
Correct word choice
and water
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 pollution
is
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are
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 substantially linked with
individual`s
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an individual`s
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day to day
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
 life. From garbage dumping, vehicle use
and
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, and
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 hygiene practices collectively shape
up
Verb problem
apply
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the society`s approach towards smarter
procedure
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procedures
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 to save
the
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apply
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nature.
For example
Linking Words
,
use
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the use
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 of plastic bags has been significantly reduced in developed nations, indicating that people are well aware of
consequences
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the consequences
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 of non-recyclable items.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the government and general public should have
manifesto
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a manifesto
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 and proper coordination to enhance environmentally safe practices. Negative effects of
atmosphere
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the atmosphere
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 are directly linked with both parties
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
; therefore
show examples
, collaboration must be in place to deal with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon professionally.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your view in the end. However, state your own view more clearly in the introduction and explain why you think both sides should work together.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example, explain how laws can limit factory smoke, and how daily choices can cut waste.
task response
Your example about plastic bags is useful, but make it more exact. Say what people do, such as using cloth bags, and how this helps the environment.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, government view, public view, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but begin each body paragraph with a shorter and clearer main sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because parts are missing. For example, write “The government should develop policies” rather than “Government supposed to develop policies.”
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the flow of ideas: “First,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “However.” Do not put many different examples in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words in a clear way. “Environment” is better than changing to “surroundings,” “atmosphere,” and “nature” when you mean the same thing.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the role of the government, the role of people, and your own view.
task response
The essay gives relevant ideas, such as laws for pollution and people reducing plastic use.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph plan is easy to see, and the conclusion brings the two sides together.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “On the other hand,” which helps the reader follow the two views.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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