IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph shows how changes are
occupations
Change preposition
in occupations
show examples
 in four different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of jobs in the US from 1960 to 2020. In 1960, the
number
Use synonyms
 of Manufacturing is the highest in these four sectors, 15
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
, and the second highest is Retail and Agriculture as a same
number
Use synonyms
 (5
million
Use synonyms
). I can see the
hugh
Correct your spelling
huge
 gap between
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of occupations and
Correct article usage
the second's
show examples
second's
Check wording
second
show examples
 in 1960.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Healthcare is lowest
number
Use synonyms
 at approximately 2.5
million
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of healthcare
increace
Correct your spelling
increased
 dramatically rather than the other three sectors. People who work
as a
Change preposition
in
show examples
 healthcare
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 grown more than six times in 60 years, which is the highest
number
Use synonyms
 in
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
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 with
Retail
Correct article usage
the Retail
show examples
 sector.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of Retail is
also
Linking Words
 great rise. Manufacturing was
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 common
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 in 1960,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these declined from 15
million
Use synonyms
 to 13
million
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
In addition
Linking Words
, Agriculture was
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
 highest in 1960 and had decreased
6
Change preposition
from 6
show examples
million
Use synonyms
 to 2
million
Use synonyms
, which is the lowest in 2020.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the economy in the US changed significantly in 60 years from 1960 to 2020, and at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 occupations
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been altered.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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