IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is very common for people to change both their habits and their opinions as they get older. Do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is argued that the
change
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
’s
habits
Use synonyms
 and opinions occurs as they get older. In my opinion, I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 statement is true because
people
Use synonyms
 are constantly
expose
Wrong verb form
exposed
show examples
 to external stimulations and strongly affected by
this
Linking Words
.
Body paragraph 1
Throughout the long period of human life,
people
Use synonyms
 experience numerous events and have
relation
Replace the word
relations
 with countless
people
Use synonyms
. When
people
Use synonyms
reads
Correct subject-verb agreement
read
show examples
 a certain
book
Punctuation problem
book,
show examples
 whether it is interesting for them or not,
Use synonyms
people
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 tend to develop some kind of notion in their mind.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 happens when encountering a piece of artwork in a gallery or somewhere.
People
Use synonyms
 may be struck by it and have an impression on it, which leads to
gaining
Replace the word
the gain
 of knowledge.
Moreover
Linking Words
, socialising with
people
Use synonyms
 has a similar effect. Through communications, one could develop their current idea or revise their thoughts by being
expose
Wrong verb form
exposed
show examples
 to other
people
Use synonyms
’s
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. It is obvious that we are easily affected by others.
Body paragraph 2
Human
habits
Use synonyms
 are highly
dependant
Replace the word
dependent
 on current circumstances. Once
people
Use synonyms
 have an ailment, their eating
habits
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to be changed to a healthier one
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they might have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular exercise from
then
Linking Words
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
 If they
change
Use synonyms
 their goals for the future
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 going to
universities
Check wording
university
show examples
, they would have to introduce themselves with a reading or studying habit. When I was in high school, I changed my aiming university from a lower level to a higher level.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 made me
change
Use synonyms
 my studying
habit
Check wording
habits
show examples
 to a very intense one.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 easily
change
Use synonyms
 their
habits
Use synonyms
 and
opinion
Check wording
opinions
show examples
, because
people
Use synonyms
 think it
it
Verb problem
is
show examples
 better to do it by instinct.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: you agree that habits and opinions change with age. Make your main reason more exact. Instead of saying people are affected by outside things, explain how life events, work, family, health, and new people change what they think and do.
task response
Your first main point is about opinions, and your second is about habits. This is a good plan. Add one clear example for opinions, such as meeting people with a different view or reading about a new idea, then show how this changes a person’s view.
task response
The health and study examples help support your point. Develop each one a little more: say what the person did before, what happened, and what they did after. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Your last line is not clear: “people think it it better to do it by instinct.” Say your main idea again in simple words, for example: “As people face new events and needs, they often change both their views and daily habits.”
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea more clear. Begin body parts with direct topic sentences, such as “People’s opinions often change because of new experiences.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Moreover” works well before an extra point. In other places, use simple links such as “For example,” “As a result,” “Because of this,” and “In the same way” to show the connection between sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “people” at the start of many sentences. Use “they,” “individuals,” or “a person” when the meaning is clear. This will make the writing flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word form is wrong. Check forms such as “are exposed,” “people read,” “other people’s opinions,” “habits are,” and “their eating habits have.” Clear grammar will make your links between ideas easier to understand.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
You use two useful areas, opinions and habits, and you give real-life examples about health and study.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each body part has one main focus.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “As a result” in the study example clearly shows cause and effect.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: