IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, some people choose to have their first child at an older age. Do the advantages of having children at an older age outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
An increasing
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
parents
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 deciding to have their first child when they are already older. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will express
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the advantages and disadvantages of having
kids
Use synonyms
 later in
life
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Suprisingly
Correct your spelling
Surprisingly
, more and more
parents
Use synonyms
 are deciding to have
children
Use synonyms
 when they are older. One of the advantages is that the
soon to become
Correct your spelling
soon-to-be
parents
Use synonyms
 are financially more stable
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
also
Linking Words
 have gained more
life
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 experience.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they are hopefully more mature themselves and are able to be emotionally and mentally more present for their newborn. Having later
kids
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 means that most probably they will
also
Linking Words
 have
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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children
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 financially will be cheaper in the long run.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, having
children
Use synonyms
 later in
life
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has disadvantages.
For example
Linking Words
, young
kids
Use synonyms
 are powerhouses and require a tremendous amount of energy
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will not be easy for older
parents
Use synonyms
 to provide.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the older the mother gets
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 harder it will be biologically to have a brother or a sister for the
firsborn
Correct your spelling
firstborn
, if
that is
Linking Words
 wished for. Healthwise, later pregnancies come with an increased risk and might require special medical care
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be very expensive or even risky.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, waiting longer to become a parent can be a very wise decision since
they
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
 can provide more emotional and financial stability for their
kids
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. On the other side, especially since health is
declining
Punctuation problem
declining,
show examples
 it can be risky
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
while
Linking Words
 giving birth.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I see that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
children
Use synonyms
at a
Change preposition
apply
show examples
later in
life
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say that the good points are greater than the bad points, and keep this view all the way through the essay.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: money, life experience, energy, and health. Explain each idea a little more. For example, say how a stable income can help pay for a home, child care, and school needs.
task response
Use one short, clear example to make your ideas stronger. For example, older parents may have saved money and may have more time to plan for a child.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. To make the flow better, begin each body paragraph with a direct main idea sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “however”, “for example”, and “as a result” can show how one idea leads to the next. Do not repeat “furthermore” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice or form. Write shorter sentences where possible. For example: “Older parents may find it hard to keep up with active young children.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Use “older parents” or “parents who have children later” instead of changing between “later kids”, “older parents”, and “soon-to-be parents”.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides and give a clear final view that the good points are stronger.
task response
The points about money, maturity, energy, and health are all useful and closely linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is easy to understand: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “however”, “for example”, and “overall”, to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financially secure
  • emotional maturity
  • stable career
  • complete higher education
  • parenting responsibilities
  • well-prepared parents
  • stronger relationship
  • carefully planned family
  • fertility declines
  • difficulty conceiving
  • age-related health risks
  • high-risk pregnancy
  • medical supervision
  • active childcare
  • generation gap
  • long-term financial planning
  • quality education
  • work-life balance
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