IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

People try to change their look by changing the colour of their hair using cosmetics, wearing jewellery or even having a plastic surgery done. Why do you think people do it? Do you think changing a look is a good thing.

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Introduction
It is argued that humans change their look by altering the colour of their hair using bleaching, wearing diamonds or having a plastic procedure. I believe they do these things to increase their
sellf confidence
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self-confidence
.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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 some people do them for the purpose of glowing up and feeling great in their own bodies.
Body paragraph 1
I think that changing your own look has several positive
things
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effects
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 on our lives.
For example
Linking Words
, when someone is feeling depressed, they can elevate their own day by only changing the
color
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colour
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 of their hair. Another positive example, when a person feels down because of how their nose
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
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, they can mitigate
this
Linking Words
 feeling and have a nose job
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can have beneficial effects on how they will appear after.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, wearing jewellery and diamonds can have a positive effect. Gold can increase copper in our bodies, which in fact has a beneficial effect on female bodies by increasing the feminity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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all
things
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these things
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 might sound minor to some people
but
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, but
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 in fact
it
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they
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 can have a dramatic result on
the
Correct article usage
a
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 person's
live
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life
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, people changing their own looks can have a great impact on their lives. No one should ever judge
other's
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others'
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 opinions
and
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, and
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 respect is essential. Everyone has different stories
and
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, and
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 these stories are managed differently.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give clear reasons why people change how they look, such as work, fashion, age, or pressure from others. Then give a clear view: it can be good, but only when it is safe and done for the right reason.
task response
Some ideas need more care. The point about gold adding copper to the body and helping women is not clear and may not be true. Use safer, more common examples, such as a new hair style making a person feel fresh or a nose job helping someone who has long felt unhappy.
task response
Explain each example in more depth. For instance, say how a change in hair colour may help a sad person feel more in control, but also say that it does not fix the cause of sadness.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body parts, and an end. To make the flow better, keep one main idea in each body part. The first body part can be about confidence and the second can be about risks or limits.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” are useful, but make sure the next sentence clearly adds to the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main view clear from the start and repeat it in the end. The last part about not judging others is kind, but it does not fully sum up your view on whether changing looks is good.
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar points that can slow the reader down: “self-confidence”, “how their nose looks”, “a person’s life”, and “the colour of their hair”.
task response
You give a clear main reason: people may change their look to feel more sure of themselves.
task response
You use examples about hair colour and nose surgery to show how changes may affect feelings.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion, so it is easy to follow overall.
coherence and cohesion
You try to connect ideas with phrases such as “For example”, “Moreover”, and “Furthermore”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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