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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The map shows the present layout of an office building and plans for its future redevelopment.

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The map shows the present layout of an office building and plans for its future redevelopment.
The maps
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 an
office
Use synonyms
 building
layout
Use synonyms
 now and
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 plan after development.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
office
Use synonyms
 building will be expanded to provide more space
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
addition
Correct article usage
the addition
show examples
 of other new facilities will offer more convenience for both
layout
Use synonyms
 and
office
Use synonyms
staffs
Check wording
staff
show examples
. Two
Gross area
Fix the agreement mistake
gross areas
show examples
 are found
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left and
right
Use synonyms
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of the present map with a big
Use synonyms
entrence
Correct your spelling
entrance
 in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the present
layout
Use synonyms
. After
redevelopment
Add a comma
redevelopment,
show examples
 an outdoor seating area with a
pairs
Fix the agreement mistake
pair
show examples
 of chairs will be added
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left gross.
While
Linking Words
Use synonyms
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 gross will be replaced by a coffee machine in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
,
Meeting
Correct article usage
the meeting
show examples
 area with chairs
in
Verb problem
will be in
show examples
 the corner of
Use synonyms
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 side. WCs will be relocated to make room for
coffee
Correct article usage
the coffee
show examples
 machine, it will be shifted to
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
right
Use synonyms
 corner from the side of centred
entrence
Use synonyms
. Once through the
right
Use synonyms
entrence
Use synonyms
 which will be moved to the middle
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between two
offices
Punctuation problem
offices,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 now there is 4
office
Use synonyms
 room are present. At the moments where there are kitchen
canteen
Fix the agreement mistake
canteens
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 will be replaced by 2
Use synonyms
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
show examples
.
Storeroom
Correct article usage
The storeroom
show examples
 will be found exactly in the same location, but no canteen
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 kitchen will be found in the updated
layout
Use synonyms
. The big
Use synonyms
entrence
Correct your spelling
entrance
 is still there
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it is now not known as
entrence
Use synonyms
. In the new
layout
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, there will be lots of chairs, and a Coffe machine for
refreshment
Correct article usage
the refreshment
show examples
 of the staff.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words office, layout, right, entrence with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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