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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays transportation is a major problem in every developing city. Many people opine that it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than in public transport system. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Transportation plays a major role in our day-to-day lives , and
as
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like
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 most developed species, we are known for our ability to move. Nowadays, there are multiple ways to go from one place to another. These days, the general public is debating whether, money-wise,
roads
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 and motorways development need to be focused on more or public transportation. In my opinion, I believe that both play a vital role in our community
,
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.
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 I partially agree with the statement considering the importance of ways of transportation and public services.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the
roads
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 and motorways are crucial on a daily basis , and they must be maintained regularly to promote safety and ease vehicle owners to get from one location to another. The government should invest more in
roads
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 because it can save thousands of lives just by being maintained.
For instance
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, a patch on a road can lead to several accidents if it is not fixed in a reasonable period of time.
Moreover
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,
roads
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 are used every day by everyone to move around , and in order to save time and resources, it is a responsibility of the higher command to maintain
such
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 services for the public.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, public passage is equally important in today's world.
Although
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,
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apply
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 most people have their own vehicles and they can drive themselves, it is necessary to consider the younger generation, the elderly and those who can't afford cars, who have to rely on buses and metros to commute.
Moreover
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, if public transits are promoted and
well maintained
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well-maintained
 by the government by funding
them
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it
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, it would help in environmental relief,
for example
Linking Words
, less traffic leading to less pollution.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
i
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I
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 believe that both public transit and
roads
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 need to be spent equally to keep sustainability and economy balanced. They both play an important role in supporting our community and promoting various ways for society to move around.

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task response
Your view is clear: both roads and public transport need money. However, explain more clearly why the same amount of money should go to both. The question asks if roads should get more money, so you should say directly why this is not the best plan.
task response
Develop each main point further. For roads, explain how better roads can help work, trade, and safe travel. For public transport, explain how more buses and trains can cut traffic, cost, and air harm.
task response
Use more exact examples. The road-hole example is useful, but add a clear public transport example, such as more bus lines helping people get to work or school.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, roads, public transport, and conclusion. Keep this order, but make the first sentence more direct. Start with your answer to the question instead of a broad idea about humans moving.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas within each paragraph more smoothly. For example, after saying roads need care, explain how this leads to fewer crashes and faster travel. This will make each paragraph feel more connected.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words throughout. You use “public passage”, “public transits”, and “public transit”. Choose “public transport” each time, as it is clear and fits the question.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas with commas. Split them into shorter sentences so your meaning is easier to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear overall view that roads and public transport are both needed.
task response
Your points are on topic. Road safety and help for people who cannot drive are strong reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and ends the essay clearly.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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