IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is now possible for scientists and tourist to travel to the remote natural environment such as south pole. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development Give reasons an examples.

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Introduction
Reaching the remotest areas of our planet has become possible
due to
Linking Words
 evolution in technology and science, allowing scientists and tourists
visit
Verb problem
to visit
show examples
 places that not long ago
where
Use the right word
were
show examples
 unthinkable. Some individuals only see positive results in
this
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,
while
Linking Words
 others see
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In
this
Linking Words
 essay i will discuss both views and give
mi
Correct your spelling
my
 opinion.
Body paragraph 1
It is
undenyable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
 that
this
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 development will lead to an important advance in science. Being able to bring highly prepared scientific teams
as well as
Linking Words
 proper equipment to
this
Linking Words
environment
Use synonyms
 will increase the number and the complexity of the experiments. Those experiments can help to better understand the
earth
Capitalize the proper name
Earth
show examples
 and how it has evolved.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 south pole is a nice representation of the glacier area,
hence
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 it is possible to test theories under the same conditions.
Body paragraph 2
Not only
scientist can benefict
Correct word order
can scientists benefit
show examples
 from
this
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 progress. Making
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
show examples
 affordable
getting
Wrong verb form
to get
show examples
 to these places can allow regular people to visit and enjoy them.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, it has been
proved
Wrong verb form
proven
show examples
 that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regulated tourism can lead to
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 protection. Humans protect what they care
, and
Change preposition
about, and
show examples
 they care
what
Change preposition
about what
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 they know.
Body paragraph 3
Nevertheless
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, bringing
this
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 possibility to the masses can attract a number of people in search of
economical
Replace the word
economic
 profit. Tourism and human influence
withot
Correct your spelling
without
 control
inevitabily
Correct your spelling
inevitably
 causes damage to the
environment
Use synonyms
. There have already been examples of
this
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. Atapuerca cave ended up closing to
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 public
due to
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 incipient damage in wall paintings, coral barrier has limited tourist entrance for the same reason.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 isolated areas can be beneficial for scientific discoveries, but it must come in hand with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
regulation
Check wording
regulations
show examples
 to avoid damaging
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 under human influence.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: the good sides and the bad sides. Your own view is clear at the end. To improve, explain more fully why each point matters. For example, say how work at the South Pole can help us understand world weather change.
task response
Your examples are useful, but make them more exact and clearly linked to remote places. The Atapuerca cave and coral reef examples show harm from too many visitors, but add one short line to show how the same harm could happen in the South Pole.
task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph. The sentence about what other people think is not finished, so the reader does not know your full position until the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: science, tourism, harm, then your final view. This makes it easy to follow. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, begin the third main paragraph with “However, there are serious risks.” This will show a stronger change from the good sides to the bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of missing or wrong words. Write short, complete sentences. For example: “Scientists can take special tools to these areas. This can lead to more detailed studies.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating general words such as “this development” and “this environment” too often. Use clear words when possible, such as “travel to remote areas”, “the South Pole”, or “these natural places”.
task response
You give a balanced answer and include a clear final view: travel can help science, but strong rules are needed.
task response
The idea that people protect places they know is a strong and memorable point about tourism.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one central idea, so the reader can follow your argument without much trouble.
coherence and cohesion
Your final paragraph brings the main ideas together and gives a clear answer to the question.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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