IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many students around the world are not choosing scinece subjects at university. Give reasons for that ? what are the impacts on society ? write an essay of 250 word in length

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Introduction
In today's modern world,
science
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subjects
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 are losing their domination over university students as
now
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students now
show examples
fellows
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apply
show examples
focus more on their passion rather than choosing what other choosed. In
this
Linking Words
 essay , I will provide the causes for that and how our communities are affected by it.
Body paragraph 1
In the past, parents were the decision makers for their
children
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's careers. Whatever they decided, kids had to follow. Parents from the 90s only appreciated doing
science
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subjects
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 or engineering. They didn't want their
children
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 to
study
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 or other fields . In my opinion , probably they had fear that if their offspring choose arts or other than
science
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 , maybe they will end up being unemployed or will not have a proper job.
Additionally
Linking Words
 , it's true , because back in the past , there were no
career
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 opportunities in the field of arts, music or media , etc. Now , the situation has changed,
children
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 have awareness , and they know what
career
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 path they want to pursue. If someone wants to learn media and journalism, he/she will choose mass communication
instead
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 of studying
science
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. So, the flip is because of a change of era . The current generation is broadminded , open to risks by choosing
subjects
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of what
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 they actually like studying ,
instead
Linking Words
 of what their parents chose for them.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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 , talking about impacts on society,
i
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I
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 think
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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there is no disadvantage in not choosing a
science
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 subject. There are only positive changes , as
children
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 prefer what they are actually passionate about . If a kid is forced to
study
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science
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 , and his interests are in music ,
then
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 he will always remain a misfit in the field of
science
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. Now, in our advanced digital era, people have jobs in every niche and can display their talents and land work through social media. Those who choose
science
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subjects
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 are actually the ones who are interested in learning
science
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 , not someone who is forced to
study
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 . Kids see people online of their age , becoming successful in different
career
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 paths , and they get influenced by them .
Conclusion
To summarise,
i
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I
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 think we should provide proper
career
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 counselling to student in their college , so that they can make the right decision about what they should
study
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.
This
Linking Words
 way , no field will be overcrowded as only interested and passionate students will join the courses.

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task response
You answer both parts: why fewer students choose science and how this may affect society. However, the second part is too one-sided. You say there is no bad effect, but the question asks about impacts, so explain both good and bad results. For example, fewer science students may mean fewer doctors, engineers, and people who can solve health or climate problems.
task response
Make your main reasons more direct. You write about freedom, new jobs, and student interest. Put these in clear topic sentences, then explain each one with a short example.
task response
Use more exact examples. The example of media and journalism is useful. Add one science example, such as hospitals needing more trained doctors, to make the social impact stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some paragraphs are very long and repeat the same idea about children choosing what they like. Cut repeated parts and give each paragraph one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Words such as "First", "Another reason", "As a result", and "However" can show the link between ideas. Do not begin too many sentences with "Now" or "If".
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your discussion. Your last point about career help is good, but also state clearly how this can help society keep enough people in science work.
task response
You give a clear reason for the change: students now have more choice and more job paths than in the past.
task response
Your point about a student doing better in a subject they truly like is clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader that you will discuss causes and effects, and the ending gives a useful final idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links between ideas, such as "Additionally", "Furthermore", and "To summarise".
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • many
  • students
  • world
  • do
  • not
  • choose
  • science
  • subjects
  • at
  • university
  • reasons
  • will
  • affect
  • society
  • hard
  • math
  • lab
  • work
  • cost
  • time
  • jobs
  • pay
  • future
  • role
  • models
  • teaching
  • schools
  • technology
  • medicine
  • growth
  • inequality
  • fix
  • easier
  • learn
  • parents
  • leaders
  • policy
  • exposure
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