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Band 4.5

Some students choose to study in another country for a time during high school or university. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad?

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Introduction
The issue of
wether
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whether
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people
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 choose to
study
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 in another
country
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 for a
time
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 during high school
or
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, or
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 university has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
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 believe that it is benefical notion,
while
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 others argue that it is
waste
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a waste
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 of
time
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 .
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that it is magnificant idea .
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, those who advocate for studying in another
country
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 for a
time
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 during high school or university argue that it has many
benefical
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benefits
.
For instance
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,
people
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 will learn about culture on the countries
and
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, and
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 it will assist
people
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 to improve their
languge
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language
 skills and
knowledage
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knowledge
.
For example
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, if a girl
travel
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travels
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 to
UK
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the UK
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in which
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apply
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to
study
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,she will master the language and skills .
Furthermore
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,many
people
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interested
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are interested
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 in
visit
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visiting
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 another
country
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 to be more depend on her self .
For instance
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,if a girl studies in forigen
country
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,she will has responsibility for
everthing
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everything
.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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financial and education.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, many who hold the belief that students should not
study
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 in another
country
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 for a
time
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 during high school or university emphasise that it is dangerous .
For example
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,if a boy studies in another
country
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 and walks at night,
it
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he
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 might be attacked by a criminal gang.
In addition
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,many
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people
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people,
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 when they
travel
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travel,
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 feel homesick,which affect on their mood.
For instance
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,if a girl has a final exam,she might feel homesick and can not focus on her exam.
In addition
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,
people
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 who
study
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 in another
country
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 might become depressed because they are alone.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid
arguements
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arguments
 on both sides,I firmly believe that
people
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 should
study
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 abroad.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that
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study
Replace the word
studying
 abroad has benefical ,which affect on
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people life
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people's lives
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.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain each main point more fully. For example, say how living abroad helps a student grow, not only that it makes them more responsible.
task response
Some examples are too general or not fully clear. Instead of using only “a girl” or “a boy”, give a clear real-life case: a student may improve speaking by using English every day at school, in shops, and with friends.
task response
Keep your main view clear from start to end. You say study abroad is a very good idea, but you also need to show that the problems can be managed, such as by living with a host family, planning money, and asking for help.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion. In each body part, use one main idea first, then explain it, and then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “For example” too often. Use other simple links, such as “Also”, “As a result”, “Because of this”, and “However”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences clearer. For example: “Students may feel homesick. Because of this, they may find it hard to focus on school work.” This is clearer than putting many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the full phrase “study in another country for a time during high school or university”. After the first use, write “study abroad”, “these students”, or “this choice”.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of studying abroad, and you clearly state your own view.
task response
Your points are relevant: language learning, learning about other ways of life, being more independent, safety, homesickness, and feeling alone.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will do, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “To sum up” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Exposure
  • Diverse cultures
  • Global awareness
  • Improves language skills
  • Enhances employment prospects
  • Develops independence
  • Self-reliance
  • Homesickness
  • Cultural shock
  • High costs
  • Tuition
  • Living expenses
  • Educational systems
  • Styles of teaching
  • Isolated
  • Disconnected
  • Reintegrating
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