IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A large number of non-private parks and sports facilities
been
Verb problem
have been
show examples
 builded is more essential than building shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 after planning new towns to spend folks' spare time. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. In modern society, most of humanity
rather
Verb problem
would rather
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strength
Replace the word
strengthen
 their bodies by taking exercises, doing sports like swimming, playing football, and jogging in the parks than shopping in the
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 or lying in their homes. The reason why they choose
to sport
Replace the word
sports
 rather than shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is that the
prospective
Replace the word
prospect
 of
keeping health
Replace the word
staying healthy
 can
live
Verb problem
lead to
show examples
 a better life. What is more,

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task response
Give a full answer to the question. You say you partly agree, but you only give one side: parks and sports places. Add the other side and explain why shops may also be useful.
task response
Finish the essay with a clear final view. Say if parks and sports places should be built more than shopping centres, and why.
task response
Develop each main idea. For example, explain how parks help health, children, older people, and people with less money. Then explain one good use of shopping centres, such as food, jobs, or indoor time in bad weather.
task response
Use a real or clear made-up example. For example, a new town with a park may give families a safe place to walk, play, and meet.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, reasons for parks and sports places, reasons for shopping centres, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add reasons and an example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple joining words correctly, such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In the end”.
coherence and cohesion
Do not leave a sentence unfinished. The last line, “What is more,” needs a full idea after it.
task response
You give a clear view at the start: you partly agree.
task response
Your main idea about health and exercise is closely linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
You begin with an introduction and then move to a reason for your view.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples of sports, such as swimming, football, and jogging, to show your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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