IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Most major cities around the world continue to grow at a phenomenal rate due to the massive increase in population. Discuss some of the effects of a high population density and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, most individuals around the world move to the main cities; as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
a
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 too many
people
Use synonyms
 are living in one area.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when multiple humain living in a city
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 Governor need to increase the public services. And watch for disease, because infections spread
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
 when too many
people
Use synonyms
 reside in a place. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going over some important details.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, health
issue
Check wording
issues
show examples
:
airbone
Correct your spelling
airborne
 and
dropplet
Correct your spelling
droplet
 diseases are spread
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
 and
common
Verb problem
are common
show examples
 in the capitals.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
suppose
Wrong verb form
are supposed
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 to keep 3 ft away from each other and practice handwashing to avoid being sick.
Next,
Linking Words
skin problem, it is
recomended
Correct your spelling
recommended
 to wear long sleeves shirt or blouse when going around
people
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, drink more fluids to stay hydrated.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, traffic is usually tight in downtown.
whenever
Capitalize the word
Whenever
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 visitors and residents have to leave
homes
Correct determiner usage
their homes
show examples
 or hotels hours before any appointment
Linking Words
otherwise
Punctuation problem
, otherwise
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, they will be late. Even when catching buses, because of many bus stop passengers or
may be
Wrong verb form
maybe being
show examples
 late.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
leaving
Verb problem
living
show examples
 in busy places
are asking
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 more time than
urban
Change preposition
in urban
show examples
 places. One of disadvantage is economic; jobs pay better because of less workers
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the big cities.
Conclusion
In summary, the population around the world are moving toward the major cities. As
results
Check wording
a result
show examples
, citizens are at
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 risk
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 infected or
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 sick.
Also
Linking Words
, because of many cars on the
streets
Add a comma
streets,
show examples
 the traffic is
difficults
Correct your spelling
difficult
 and users
suppose
Wrong verb form
are supposed
show examples
 to leave early to avoid
to get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 stuck in traffic.
Base
Wrong verb form
Based
show examples
 on the economy, it is better to
leave
Verb problem
live
show examples
 in
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 village because of
jobs
Check wording
job
show examples
 opportunities.

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task response
Answer both parts in a full way. You explain health and traffic problems, but you do not give clear ways to stop city growth. Add ideas such as better jobs, schools, and health care in small towns.
task response
Keep your main ideas close to the question. Advice about long sleeves, water, and staying three feet away is too small and does not explain the main effects of crowded cities.
task response
Explain each point with a reason and an example. For example, many people in one place can make rent high because there are not enough homes for all workers.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, effects, ways to reverse the trend, and conclusion. At present, the second body part is about traffic, but it does not give solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add two or three sentences that explain it. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Try: “First”, “As a result”, “For example”, “However”, and “To reduce this problem”. Do not use “Secondly” if the next paragraph has more than one unrelated idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion state both the main effects and the main solutions. The last sentence says it is better to live in a small village, but it needs to explain how this can help reduce city crowding.
task response
You identify two real problems of crowded cities: the spread of illness and heavy traffic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see your basic plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful cause-and-effect links, such as “Therefore” and “As results”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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