IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In many countries nowadays,consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world.Do yo think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Consumers all around the world buying the same
foods
Use synonyms
 and the same products is not a positive at all. There are a few reasons why I think that.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
the diversity might disappear. There should be a local product in every
locations
Fix the agreement mistake
location
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. Local farmers should sell their own products on the market, but cannot
defeat
Verb problem
compete
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 with the product from
big
Correct article usage
a big
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 corporation
with
Change preposition
at
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 their price. The
foods
Use synonyms
 manufactured by a huge factory might have
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 price
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to the local
foods
Use synonyms
. It leads to demolision of local markets. No longer
locals could
Correct word order
could locals
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 survive.
Body paragraph 2
Second,
Linking Words
if various kinds of
foods
Use synonyms
disappears
Correct subject-verb agreement
disappear
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,
then
Linking Words
 people might take only restricted nutrients. That might affect ill, and make the human body weaker. Our body cannot work only with
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 ingredients. But nowadays, we can see many kinds of the same products everywhere.
Conclusion
In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, I think the world food market looks like growing in a way, but in fact, it's actually limiting our food
exprience
Correct your spelling
experience
.

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task response
You give a clear negative view, and you give two main reasons: local food may be lost, and people may eat less kinds of food. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why food from other countries causes these problems.
task response
Your ideas are useful, but some points need more support. For example, say how low prices from large companies can make local farmers lose work. Give one real or clear example of a local food that may stop being made.
task response
The point about nutrients is not fully clear. Food from many countries can also give people more choice. Explain why people would choose only a small number of foods, or use a stronger reason such as more food waste, long travel, or harm to local farms.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body part longer and develop one main idea before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the connection between ideas: “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “Therefore”. This will help the reader follow your reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the subject is not clear. For example, instead of “No longer locals could survive”, write “As a result, local farmers may not be able to stay in business.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your main ideas. State again that this is negative because it can harm local farmers and reduce local food choice.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly say that you see this change as negative.
task response
You use two different reasons, which gives your essay a clear base.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “First”, “Second”, and “In conclusion” helps the reader see the main parts of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending returns to your main view about food choice, so the essay feels complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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