IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Due to growth of population many people live in apartments with limited space and no outdoor areas. Do this trend advantages of outweigh disadvantages?

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Introduction
Whether people live in buildings with limited spaces and no outside areas or not is a debatable topic in
this
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 era. I believe
this
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 growth has more advantages than disadvantages
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
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 will be discussed in
this
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 paragraph.
Body paragraph 1
It is known that the growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 is increasing nowadays, but I am certain that having your own place or environment, whether it is small or large, is what matters the most.
For example
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, I used to live in an apartment with my father, mother, and two brothers, before moving to an extremely large house with a huge garden. I
didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't
 face any difficulties or downsides
while
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 living there. Sometimes living in a tiny, convenient place, with your loved ones, can have a greater impact on your mental health than living alone in a huge residence.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, some people will disagree with the above text because they prefer living in big houses.
Body paragraph 3
I think they find it more luxurious than enjoying the company.
Conclusion
In conclusion, based
in
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on
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 the aforementioned, staying in apartments can be more
cozier
Correct your spelling
cosy
 if you are living with the right people.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, living in
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 extremely large house can feel like hell if you are not.

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task response
Answer both sides clearly. You say the good side is stronger, but you do not fully explain the bad side of small flats with no outdoor space. Add ideas such as less room for children, no place to rest outside, and possible stress.
task response
Give two clear main reasons why the good side is stronger. For example, flats may cost less and may be near work, shops, and buses. Then explain why these points are more important than the bad points.
task response
Your own story is clear, but it is only one case. Add a wider example about many city families, not only your family.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. The point about living with the right people is useful, but it does not fully deal with the lack of outdoor areas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, good side, bad side, and conclusion. This will help the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Develop the second main paragraph. At present, it only says that some people like big houses. Explain why they feel this way and link it to space and outdoor areas.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show contrast and result, such as “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”. Do not use “the above text”; use “this view” or “this idea” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. The first body paragraph moves from population growth to family life and mental health. Add a clear first sentence that states the main point.
task response
You give a clear view from the start: you believe the good side is stronger.
task response
Your family example helps show how a small home can still feel good when people live well together.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “However” and “On the other hand”, which helps show different views.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • affordable
  • shared
  • amenities
  • convenient
  • pollution
  • outdoor
  • travel
  • relaxation
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