IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Agree or disagree with the following statement:Pets should be treated like family members. Give reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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Introduction
Some people think that animals kept at home deserve the same
care
Use synonyms
 as human relatives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I believe
pets
Use synonyms
 should be treated
this
Linking Words
 way because
pets
Use synonyms
 become happier and less stressed over time.
Body paragraph 1
Moreover
Linking Words
,
pets
Use synonyms
 should be treated with respect,
for example
Linking Words
, giving them food regularly, cleaning after them and checking on them
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 like worrying about a family member.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
Linking Words
,
pets
Use synonyms
 experience emotions
such
Linking Words
 as fear and loneliness
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 we should not do things that upset them.
In addition
Linking Words
,
pets
Use synonyms
 should be cared for
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 if
owners
Use synonyms
 cannot handle that
responsibility
Punctuation problem
responsibility,
show examples
 they can move them to an animal shelter. Keeping a pet
an
Correct pronoun usage
that an
show examples
 owner cannot
care
Use synonyms
 for is worse for the animal than rehoming it
,
Punctuation problem
. For
show examples
for example
Linking Words
,
a
Correct word choice
if a
show examples
pet
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 sick and the owner is ignoring them can possibly lead to death. A shelter can let
pets
Use synonyms
 find a new loving owner with more time.
Body paragraph 3
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
pets
Use synonyms
 get depressed if
Use synonyms
owners
Correct determiner usage
their owners
show examples
 do not
care
Use synonyms
 for them or play with them. These small things matter to their mental health and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
.
Pets
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 improve their
Use synonyms
owners
Check wording
owners'
show examples
 mental health, so the benefit works both ways.
Pets
Use synonyms
 reduce loneliness for people who are living alone. Walking a dog forces
owners
Use synonyms
 to go outside and
into
Verb problem
engage in
show examples
 exercise.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe
pets
Use synonyms
 should be treated like family members. They experience emotions
such
Linking Words
 as loneliness and depression, so they deserve proper
care
Use synonyms
, and
owners
Use synonyms
 who cannot provide it should rehome them.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first part. Say that pets should have the care, love, and respect that family members have, not only that they should be happier and less stressed.
task response
Develop each main idea with a fuller reason and one clear example. For example, explain how regular food, a clean home, and a visit to a vet help a pet stay healthy.
task response
Make the example about a sick pet more clear and correct. You could say: “If a pet becomes ill and its owner does not take it to a vet, the pet may die.”
task response
Your point about giving a pet to a shelter is useful, but explain that this should happen only when the owner cannot give safe and proper care. This will make your view more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make it flow better, use fewer linking words such as “Moreover”, “Additionally”, and “Furthermore”. Use them only when they show a real new point.
coherence and cohesion
Put related ideas in the same paragraph. The part about pets’ feelings and the part about rehoming a pet could be one paragraph, with a clear first sentence about owner duty.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times. You repeat that pets need care and have feelings. Instead, give each paragraph one job: daily care, feelings and safety, and help for owners.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between sentences. For example: “This is important because...” or “As a result,...” These links show how your reason and example work together.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep this view from the first part to the end.
task response
You use useful ideas about food, cleaning, health, fear, loneliness, and play. These ideas fit the question well.
task response
The point that pets can also help people feel less alone is a good extra reason and makes your answer wider.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an opening, several main paragraphs, and a final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and linking words to show when you move to a new idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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