Students should be allowed to choose academic courses or practical courses, e.g carpenters. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is argued that
students
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should be able to choose between academic and practical courses. I completely agree with the previous statement, since I believe that everyone, especially young
people
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, should follow their passions and inclinations.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, some might argue that academic courses give
an
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apply
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easier access to a wider range of careers.
While
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this
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was
partialy
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partially
true in the past, nowadays competition in every field is higher than it used to be.
For instance
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, graduating from business school
,
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does not
ensure to be employed
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guarantee employment
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,
while
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a rising number of graduates
ends
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end
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up jobless or underpaid.
Moreover
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,
people
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who work in a practical field, like carpenters or plumbers, are growing in demand and have similar salaries.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, I believe that
students
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should choose a
course
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following their passions. In fact, if
students
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were to choose a field of study only
according to
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its career
prospect
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prospects
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, they would definitely struggle more, making the academic choice counterproductive.
For example
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, choosing medical school only because of the future high salary, makes the
course
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unberable
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unbearable
and almost impossible to finish, since interest is lacking.
Body paragraph 3
In addition
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,
people
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should not be ashamed of choosing a practical
course
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,
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if they think it is their passion. It is well known that nowadays there is a stigma on practical jobs, which are less regarded than academic ones. I think awareness should be raised on
this
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issue, to facilitate young
people
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during the
decision making
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decision-making
process.
As a result
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, whether the decision will fall on an academic or a practical
course
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, the
sadisfaction
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satisfaction
and recognition will be the same.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that academic and practical courses have the same value, for both job prospects and personal achievement.
Therefore
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,
students
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should choose freely
according to
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their passions.

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task response
State your main view clearly in the first part, as you do here. To make it stronger, explain more fully why free choice helps both the student and society.
task response
Your points are clear: work chances, personal interest, and the view of practical work. Add one more real-world detail, such as how a good carpenter can meet a local need, to make the ideas more full.
task response
Be careful with broad claims such as practical workers having the same pay as people in all academic jobs. Say that pay can be good or can be similar in some cases.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, main points, and ending. Keep this plan in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas can be more natural. For example, the first main part starts with an opposite view, but it could end with a clearer line that brings the reader back to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Moreover”, “Furthermore”, and “In addition” are useful, but do not use them only to begin each part. Sometimes repeat the key idea instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. The third main part moves from choice to shame and public views; add a clearer first line to show that this is about social respect for practical work.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear strong view from the opening to the ending.
task response
The examples about business school, carpentry, plumbing, and medical school are closely linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear main idea, and the ending brings your view together well.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “For instance”, “For example”, and “As a result” helps the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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