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Band 7

The pie chart below shows the native languages spoken by students at Bakersfield senior college in two separate years.

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The pie chart below shows the native languages spoken by students at Bakersfield senior college in two separate years.
The two pie graphs illustrate how many
students
Use synonyms
 spoke in their mother tongue at Bakersfield Senior College in 1980 and 1990.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 Use synonyms admissionenlistmentrecruitmentacceptanceaccessionconscriptionengagemententranceentryinduction It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
talked
Fix capitalization
Talk
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 in native languages (Urdu and Chinese) increased over the period of time,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number of learners of English decreased over time. The number of
students
Use synonyms
 at Bakersfield college spoke in Urdu was at 15% in 1980, which almost
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
 and reached at 28% in 1990.
This
Linking Words
 was the highest increase among the native languages shown in the two pie graphs during
this
Linking Words
 period.
Although
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 9% pupils' mother tongue was Chinese in 1980, that rose by 2% and reached at 11% after 10 years.
This
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 increase was relatively small compared with the significant growth recorded for Urdu speakers over the same period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 who spoke native English was at 70% in 1980;
however
Linking Words
, it decreased by 15% in 1990 at the Bakersfield senior college. The rest of the people were stagnant at 6% in native languages in both 1980 and the 1990s.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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