IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many elderly people live alone and this can cause a variety of problems. What are some of these problems and what solutions can you suggest?

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With the development of science and technology, the population is
aging severly
Rephrase
ageing severely
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. Many elderly people live alone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 can cause a variety of problems. Issues concerning life and health. Safety issues for living alone and mental health
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 elderly people. The government has intensified its efforts in infrastructure development. Set up an emergency contact hotline for the elderly.

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Task response
Answer both parts in full. Name several problems, such as falls at home, no help in an emergency, poor food, and feeling lonely. Then give a clear solution for each problem.
Task response
Explain your ideas. For example, say how a phone line can help an old person call for help after a fall, and how home visits can make them feel less alone.
Task response
Use clear examples. You could write about a local group that visits old people once a week, or a smart alarm that calls family when there is a problem.
Coherence and cohesion
Write in full paragraphs. Use an opening paragraph, one paragraph about problems, one paragraph about solutions, and a short ending.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete. For example, change “Issues concerning life and health” to “Living alone can cause health problems because an old person may not get help quickly.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of your ideas: “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In short”.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the ideas connected. The point about science and technology does not clearly lead to the main topic. Start directly with elderly people living alone.
Task response
You identify important areas: health, safety, and mental health. These are good main ideas for this topic.
Task response
Your idea of an emergency phone line is useful and directly related to safety.
Coherence and cohesion
You try to move from problems to solutions, which is a good plan for this essay.
Coherence and cohesion
The writing is short and focused on the topic, without extra ideas that do not help the answer.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Isolation
  • Mental health issues
  • Physical health risks
  • Daily activities
  • Financial difficulties
  • Housekeeping
  • Personal care
  • Medical services
  • Safety concerns
  • Vulnerable
  • Accidents
  • Scams
  • Social interaction
  • Healthcare costs
  • Social services
  • Community-based programs
  • In-home care services
  • Safety measures
  • Subsidize
  • Intergenerational living arrangements
  • Emotional support
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