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Band 6.5

The chart below shows the population percentage aged 65 and above in three countries in 1980, 2000, and predicted percentage in 2030.

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The chart below shows the population percentage aged 65 and above in three countries in 1980, 2000, and predicted percentage in 2030.
The bar chart compares the population aged 65 and above in three countries, namely
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 , in 1980, 2000 and 2030.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest index of
people
Use synonyms
 above 65 will be in 2030,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the lowest
figure
Use synonyms
 was shown in 1980. As a Bar chart shows, regarding the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 aged above 65 in 1980, the highest
figure
Use synonyms
 was in
Germany
Use synonyms
 at 15%
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the smallest
figure
Use synonyms
 was shown in
Canada
Use synonyms
 at 10%. The
UK
Use synonyms
's
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and above was 12% in 1980.
Coming to
Change preposition
In
show examples
 2000, the largest
figure
Use synonyms
 was
Germany
Use synonyms
 at 26%;
however
Linking Words
, the smallest index was the
UK
Use synonyms
 at 12%.
Canada
Use synonyms
's
figure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 aged above 65 was 20% in 2000. It is predicted that in 2030, the percentage of the population aged 65 will be the largest in
Germany
Use synonyms
 at 30%, but the lowest
figure
Use synonyms
 will be in the
UK
Use synonyms
 at 18%.
Canada
Use synonyms
's index of
people
Use synonyms
 aged above will be 26% in 2030.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, germany, uk, people, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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