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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Many
people
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 believe that competing against coworkers, classmates, and
others
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 in general is a great idea.
While
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 a majority believe that working together is a better option.
This
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 essay will examine both
cooperation
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 and
competition
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 , and I will explain my opinion which supports
competition
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.
Body paragraph 1
There are reasons why
people
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 view
competition
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 as effective.
First,
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competition
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 encourages
people
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 to do an amazing job.
Competition
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 helps everyone do better, as it tends to bring out the best performance.
However
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, it is
also
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 hated
due to
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 the exhaustion it causes, as not everyone can handle the same amount of
work
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.
Second,
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some
people
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 only
work
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 well under stress. Working under stress is an asset for many
people
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it helps them achieve their goals and try their best.
Last
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, it could be fun and exciting. Light
competition
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 is amusing and builds healthy relationships. It does not cause problems if done lightly.
Body paragraph 2
Cooperation
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 is more beneficial for many reasons.
Firstly
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, it may lead to finishing
work
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 faster. Teamwork helps finish
work
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quicker
Rephrase
more quickly
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 and better, and it
also
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 helps when there are multiple minds working together. The problem is that some
people
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 are slow and will not gain as much knowledge and benefits as
others
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 would.
Second,
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it is definitely more efficient than being alone. When you deal with
others
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while
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 completing a job, it leads to a greater result. When together, some
people
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 learn from
others
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 and can complete their tasks successfully.
Lastly
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, working together builds a community. Governments use
cooperation
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 to unite their country.
People
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 who are not social may lose the benefits of cooperative living.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see that both
competition
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 and
cooperation
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 have valid arguments and merit consideration. I personally believe that healthy
competition
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 is best when everyone has fair rules and support.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Make your own view stronger by saying why competition is better than cooperation in the last body part, not only in the end.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more support. For example, explain how fair competition can help people improve without causing too much stress.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. You could describe a class task, a work team, or a sport game to show how competition or cooperation works.
task response
Be careful with ideas that are too broad, such as governments using cooperation to unite a country. Explain this idea more, or use a closer example from work or school.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, competition, cooperation, and conclusion. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. In the competition paragraph, the point about stress feels partly against your view. Link it clearly by saying that fair limits can reduce this problem.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same idea, such as people doing better and trying their best. Join them or add a new reason instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links more carefully. Words such as First, Second, and Lastly are useful, but also show cause and result with words like because, so, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
The last sentence matches your view well. Add one short reason there, such as competition helps people improve when rules are fair.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain competition, explain cooperation, and give a clear personal view.
task response
The idea of healthy competition with fair rules is a good and balanced final view.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly tells the reader what the essay will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs are easy to follow because each one is about one side of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion gives a clear ending and returns to the main topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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