IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You are studying at a college which has very limited sports and leisure facilities for students. Write a letter to the principal. In your letter: Outline the situation Propose ways to improve this situation Request a meeting to discuss this

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Dear Mr Tran, I am writing to express my opinion about limiting sports and leisure facilities at our college. Currently, the campus has very few activation options for students. The gym is small with old equipment, and the outdoor area is not big enough for everyone to play sports.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is no rest place for students to sit and relax between classes. To improve
this
Linking Words
 situation, I suggest upgrading the gym equipment and building a sports court outside.
In addition
Linking Words
, setting up a small student room with comfortable seats and placing a stone bench under trees would give us a good place to rest and release stress. These changes would help students stay healthy and reduce stress from studying. I hope
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I would be grateful if we could meet next week to discuss these ideas. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Tien

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task response
You cover all parts of the task: the problem, your ideas, and a request for a meeting. Add one or two clear facts, such as how many students use the gym, to make the problem stronger.
task response
Your ideas are useful. Explain a little more about how the new court or student room could help students.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: problem, ideas, then meeting. Use a few more link words, such as “For this reason” or “As a result”, to join your ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the main point of each paragraph clear. The second paragraph is about the problem, and the third is about possible changes, which works well.
coherence and cohesion
Change “I hope and I would be grateful if” to “I would be grateful if” or “I hope that” because using both together is not natural.
task response
You give clear and practical ideas, including better gym tools, a sports court, and a room for students to rest.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is easy to follow, with clear paragraphs and a polite opening and closing.
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