IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people use private motorbikes or cars instead of taking public transport. What are the reasons for this trend? How can the government encourage people to take public transport? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
A growing number of
public
Check wording
people
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 prefer to use their private vehicles
instead
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 of utilising mass
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
.
Body paragraph 1
There are some reasons related to
transport
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's
converage
Correct your spelling
coverage
 area and the unaffordable prices, and
this
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 essay will provide some relevant solutions to encourage
people
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
to use
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 more public
transport
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.
Body paragraph 2
The common issue in taking trains or buses for commuting is because of its expensive price.
Such
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 high fares in big
cities
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 are becoming unreachable for
working-class
Correct article usage
the working-class
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 community, tight with their other spending daily.
This
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 makes some
people
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 think
to get
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of getting
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 their own vehicle
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is worth-saving money.
Furthermore
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, unlike in metropolitan
cities
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, the public
transport
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 coverage in smaller towns is sometimes not
well connected
Correct your spelling
well-connected
.
Not to mention
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 that many roads do not support pedestrian facilities and make individuals
concern
Replace the word
concerned
 about their safety to walk to stations.
As a result
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, these factors lead some
people
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in considering
Wrong verb form
to consider
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 options to drive their own cars.
Body paragraph 3
Several measures can be implemented by the government to persuade more corwds in using mass transportation.
First,
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in big
cities
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, tickets can be subsidised for productive-age workers because they commute more than the other age groups
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 and kids. By giving frequent commuters a discount scheme, more
people
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 will potentially be encouraged to take public
transport
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.
Secondly
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, in small towns, expanding public
transport
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 routes is very crucial, including building pedestrian routes to guarantee the safety of the residents.
Furthermore
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, to prevent individuals
driving
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from driving
show examples
 their own cars, the governments can take an example from
cities
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 like
London
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London,
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 in which they increase the parking fee very highly and
applying
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apply
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 zonal area charges
-
Punctuation problem
,
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such
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 as
Ultra
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the Ultra
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 Low Emission Zone and congestion charge. These measures combined
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been implemented by several developed countries
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they have succeded to build public habits in reducing
tendency
Correct article usage
the tendency
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 to use private vehicles.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the high ticket price and routes' coverage are the main reasons
of
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apply
show examples
why public trasport are less favoured.
However
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, three actions imitating currently developed countries that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been discussed above should be taken into consideration.

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task response
Answer both parts in full. You explain why people use private cars and bikes, and you give several government actions. Make the main reasons more exact: high fares, poor route links, and unsafe walks to stops.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear cause and result. For example, say that a worker may choose a motorbike when a bus fare is high and the stop is far from home.
task response
Your London example is useful. Explain it more clearly: high parking costs and road charges make car use cost more, so some people choose trains or buses.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, reasons, solutions, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the opening state both main reasons and both kinds of action more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: 'First, fares can be too high.' Then: 'Second, routes may not reach many areas.' This will make the two reasons easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two short sentences, especially in the parts about small towns and London.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph more direct. Restate the reasons and solutions in simple words, rather than saying that actions from developed countries should be copied.
task response
You cover the full question by giving reasons for the trend and practical actions for the government.
task response
The ideas about lower ticket prices, more routes, safe walking paths, and higher parking costs are useful and on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear job: one explains the causes, while the next gives solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Furthermore', 'As a result', 'First', and 'Secondly' help show the order of your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public transport, private vehicles, convenience, reliability, status symbol, infrastructure, financial incentives, environmental regulations, societal benefits, awareness campaigns, user-friendly
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