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Band 6

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education center in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education center in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given chart illustrates the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who attended an evening
course
Use synonyms
 at an adult education centre in 2009, dividing the figures by gender and type of
course
Use synonyms
. The pie chart gives data on the age of the participants. 
Overall
Linking Words
, the students were mainly
women
Use synonyms
. The majority of them followed a language
class
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the largest number of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 opted for painting lessons. The least popular evening
course
Use synonyms
 was
sculpure
Correct your spelling
sculpture
.
Also
Linking Words
, the biggest share of students was 50 or over,
while
Linking Words
 the smallest was under 20 years old. Starting from the gender based analysis,
women
Use synonyms
's figures are higher
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
men
Use synonyms
's in every
course
Use synonyms
 except sculpting. In fact, 40
women
Use synonyms
 joined the language
class
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
men were 20
Correct word order
20 men were in the class
show examples
. Painting is
men
Use synonyms
's favourite choice, but
women
Use synonyms
 still
shown an
Wrong verb form
showed a
show examples
 higher participation rate, standing at 30 participants,
whereas
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 were around 25.
Then
Linking Words
, in drama
class
Use synonyms
, there were twice as many
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 as
men
Use synonyms
,standing at 20 and 10 respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
,
sculpure
Correct your spelling
sculpture
 was the least picked
class
Use synonyms
, with 10
men
Use synonyms
 and around 5
women
Use synonyms
. Turning to the age analysis of the participants,
people
Use synonyms
 50 or over accounted for the largest share, at 42%,
whereas
Linking Words
 students under 20
for
Verb problem
accounted for
show examples
 the smallest, at 5%.
People
Use synonyms
 between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 40 and 49
rapressented
Correct your spelling
represented
 just amove a quarter of the total, at 26%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 between 30 and 39 were slightly more than
people
Use synonyms
 between 20 and 29, standing at 16% and 15% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, whereas, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, course, women, class, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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