IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the precentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The chart below shows the precentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.
The bar chart shown
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 illustrates data of
households
Use synonyms
 in England and
Whales
Use the right word
Wales
show examples
 between 1918 and 2011. Comparing the amount of owned
accommodation
Use synonyms
 and rented
accommodation
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
in terms of
show examples
 percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that
famillies
Correct your spelling
families
 who own houses or apartments have increased
throuhout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the years ,
while
Linking Words
famillies
Correct your spelling
families
 that rent
gradually
Verb problem
have gradually
show examples
 decreased.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 1918,
households
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 didn't rent took up a mere 22% of the total
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
households
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 did, accounted for 78%.But in 2011, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 homeowners who
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 up the majority, with around 63
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, with the remaining percentage being non-homeowners. People who rented houses/apartments were the majority for
decade
Correct article usage
a decade
show examples
.More specifically, they took up more than half the
amount of total
Correct word order
total number of
show examples
households
Use synonyms
 between 1918 and 1961.
However
Linking Words
,a decade later, the ratio of
households
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 owned
accommodation
Use synonyms
 and
ones who
Correct pronoun usage
those that
show examples
 didn't evened out, marking the start of their gradual decrease for the years to come. Homeowners were the minority up until the 1970's, after which they surpassed non-homeowners, reaching their peak in 2011 at 68%. Though it
visible
Verb problem
is visible
show examples
 that they decreased in 2011
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 renting
accommodation
Use synonyms
 experienced a slight increase.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words households, accommodation with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: