IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The increasing prevalence of individuals relocating for work opportunities presents a complex dilemma, pitting the potential benefits of
career
Use synonyms
 advancement against the undeniable drawbacks of geographical separation from loved ones.
While
Linking Words
 the emotional toll of distance from family and friends is significant, the advantages stemming from enhanced
career
Use synonyms
 prospects and personal growth ultimately outweigh the disadvantages. One primary disadvantage of migrating for work is the emotional strain caused by physical separation from support networks. The absence of close familial ties and established friendships can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, particularly during challenging periods.
Moreover
Linking Words
, important life events, from birthdays to graduations, may be missed, creating a sense of disconnect and regret. The lack of readily available emotional support can
also
Linking Words
 negatively impact mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
, potentially impacting job performance and
overall
Linking Words
 life satisfaction.
However
Linking Words
, the advantages associated with relocating for work are compelling.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 moves often unlock access to significantly better
career
Use synonyms
 opportunities, including higher salaries, faster
career
Use synonyms
 progression, and exposure to a wider range of professional experiences. These advantages not only improve financial stability but
also
Linking Words
 contribute to long-term
career
Use synonyms
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 and personal growth.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, living in a new environment fosters independence, adaptability, and resilience – qualities highly valued in today's dynamic job market. The exposure to diverse cultures and perspectives broadens one's worldview and enriches personal development. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the emotional challenges of leaving family and friends behind are undeniable, the long-term benefits of
career
Use synonyms
 advancement, personal growth, and enhanced financial security afforded by relocation outweigh these drawbacks. The opportunity for professional and personal development should not be underestimated
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 maintaining strong connections with loved ones through modern communication technology can mitigate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
feelings of isolation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your points, such as mentioning particular fields of work where relocation is common or describing a personal anecdote.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, but strive for smoother transitions between points in your paragraphs to enhance flow. Using linking words like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' or 'For instance,' can be beneficial.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly addresses the topic, clearly presenting the advantages and disadvantages of relocating for work.
coherence cohesion
Impressive use of vocabulary and sentence structures makes the argument easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively constructed, clearly framing and summarizing the main arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: