IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that reading stories from e book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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I would like to write about
this
Linking Words
 topic
Reading
Punctuation problem
. Reading
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 stories from E book is better than watching TV or playing .When you read any book and
Verb problem
take notes
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notes
Punctuation problem
notes,
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 your full focused had only
a
Change preposition
on the
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 main point . On TV and or
computer
Punctuation problem
computer,
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 you
just
Verb problem
are just
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 watching images and you are not fully focused on your topic TV and any entertainment device
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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just
intrup
Correct your spelling
interrupt
 your
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus

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task response
Give a clear answer at the start. Say if you agree fully, partly agree, or disagree. Then explain why with two main ideas.
task response
Your main idea is that e-books help children focus. Add more detail: explain how reading makes a child think about the story, while TV and games may take the child away from the main point.
task response
Use simple real examples. For example, a child can read a story, stop to think about a new word, and then talk about the story with a parent.
task response
Write about both TV and computer games. At present, computer games are named but not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Put your writing into clear parts: an opening, one paragraph about e-books, one paragraph about TV and games, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and clear. For example: “When children read an e-book, they can focus on the main idea of the story.”
coherence and cohesion
Use simple joining words to show the link between ideas: “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For example,” and “In the end.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about focus. Add a new point, such as reading helps children use their mind and learn new words.
task response
You give a clear main view: reading stories can help children focus more than TV or games.
coherence and cohesion
You try to compare reading with TV and computer games, which is important for this question.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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