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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some experts belive that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at a primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

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Introduction
I believe that it is better for
children
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 to naturally learn a foreign
language
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at a
Change preposition
in
show examples
 primary
school
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Because, in nowadays we have so
much opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
many opportunities
show examples
 to learn anything, especially another
language
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. And, a little child can actually learn it in
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
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 way.
For example
Linking Words
, cartoons. It is
very
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a very
show examples
 effective way to learn
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language
Correct article usage
a language
show examples
 for
children
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. They can
every day spend
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spend every day
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 some time watching cartoons, and easily learn a new
language
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. Knowing
foreign
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a foreign
show examples
language
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 for
children
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 is
very
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a very
show examples
 good advantage. When hi will grow up, he will not struggle with learning it. And of course,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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 another
language
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 at
young
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a young
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 age is much
more
Rephrase
apply
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quicker and easier.
Body paragraph 2
But the question is, does a
children
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 really need
tis
Correct your spelling
this
language
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? Parents usually make
chose
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choices
 for
children
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. And,
some times
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sometimes
children
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 disagree with them. They want to make their own choices. But, at primary
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school
Add a comma
school,
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 they often don’t know what they want. And the understanding usually became at secondary
school
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. So,
some times
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sometimes
 it is better to leave
this
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 question to
child
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the child
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 himself rather than make it with your own.
Body paragraph 3
Learning
foreign
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a foreign
show examples
language
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 is not equal for
every one
Correct your spelling
everyone
.
Some times
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Sometimes
 it depends on your
leaving
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
country or your religion.
For example
Linking Words
, here in
Kazakstan
Correct your spelling
Kazakhstan
 it is
very
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a very
show examples
 big advantage to know
the
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apply
show examples
English.
Enter to
Wrong verb form
Entering
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 the top universities will be much easier, and
opportunity
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the opportunity
show examples
 to work with big foreign companies will open for you.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 a foreign
language
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at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a primary
school
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 is a good idea. But it depends on your country. If it gives
to
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apply
show examples
you a big opportunity in adult life,
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 learn it
at a
Change preposition
in
show examples
 primary
school
Use synonyms
. But if it is not clear
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 you,
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 leave
this
Linking Words
 question, and make
choice
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a choice
show examples
 at a secondary
school
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: say if the good points are stronger than the bad points. Your essay says both ideas, but your final view is not fully clear.
task response
Talk more about both sides of starting early. Good points can be better sound, more time to learn, and more chance to use the language. Bad points can be less time for other school work, stress, or a child who does not want to learn.
task response
Make each main idea clear, then explain why it matters. The cartoon idea is useful, but add one more clear example for the bad side.
task response
Keep examples close to the question. The example about English in Kazakhstan is good, but explain how starting in primary school gives this help later in life.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first part with your view, one part for good points, one part for bad points, and a final part with the same clear view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one main idea. For example: “One main good point is that young children can learn sounds more easily.” Then give your reason and example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to show the path of your ideas: “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Do not change from “children” to “he” or “child himself”. Use “they” and “children” all the way through. This will make the writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences begin with “And” or “Because” but do not link well to the last sentence. Join them to the sentence before, or begin with a full main sentence.
task response
You give a real example of cartoons, which clearly shows how young children may learn a new language in a natural way.
task response
You include both good and bad points, and you show that the value of a foreign language may be different in different countries.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear separate parts and a final conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “For example”, “But”, and “In conclusion” to move between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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