IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.

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Introduction
The rate of juvenile offences has become a matter of growing concern in contemporary society.
While
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this
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 phenomenon can be attributed to a number of underlying factors,several viable solutions can be taken to handle
this
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 pressing issue.
Body paragraph 1
One of the principal causes is the adverse environment they grew up in
and
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, and
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 peer pressure. Young children have a tendency to imitate
adults
Use synonyms
 in their surroundings,so both the good and bad behaviours of those people in their surroundings can shape their character and values.
For example
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, should a person live in a deprived inner-city, one is highly likely to adopt immoral behaviours
and
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, and
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 these can
also
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 rub off on their peers. Another significant contributing factor is the curiosity and adventurous spirit of young people. Even if they are aware of the bad consequences of their actions, they are inclined to experiment with new things out of curiosity.
This
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 can lead to committing minor crimes
such
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 as theft and shoplifting.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, a range of effective measures could be implemented to address
this
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 problem if governments and local
authority persons
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authorities
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 work collaboratively. One practical solution would be building a youth
center
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centre
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 where young
adults
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 can engage in different activities. As a saying goes, prevention is better than cure
,
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;
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 governments should invest more in youth development and well-being
instead
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 of using those resources for
reforming
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reform
. In
this
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 way, adolescents can test out new experiences in a safe and positive environment.
This
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 can deter them from committing offences. Another viable course of action would be establishing a community support
center
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centre
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 where youths can freely discuss their problems with trained
adults
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. It may be possible with the help of local
authoritatives
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authorities
.In
this
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 way, young people feel valued
and
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, and
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 it can, in turn, boost their self-esteem.
In other words
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, they will become responsible and dignified
adults
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 who can take responsibility for their actions.
Conclusion
To summarise,
this
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 problem stems primarily from a toxic society and the free spirit of youngsters. If these measures are adopted in a coordinated manner, the issue could be alleviated in the long run.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: causes and solutions. To improve, explain more clearly how each cause leads to crime. For example, show why a poor area or bad friends may make crime seem normal.
task response
Your solutions are useful, but make the link to crime more direct. Say how a youth centre can keep young people busy, give them safe friends, and reduce time on the street.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about a deprived area is too general. You could describe a young person who joins friends in shoplifting because there are few safe places to spend time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. Keep this plan because it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not fully clear because the words do not match well. For example, replace “the adverse environment they grew up in” with “a bad home or local environment”. Also, make clear who “they” means each time.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use “In this way” many times in the solutions paragraph. Try other simple links, such as “As a result”, “Also”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, separate family and local problems from peer pressure, or explain their connection more clearly.
task response
The essay deals with both the reasons for youth crime and ways to reduce it.
task response
The ideas about peer pressure, curiosity, youth centres, and support centres are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives a clear plan, and the conclusion returns to the main causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used well, and the move from causes to solutions is clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • surge
  • productive activities
  • quality education
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • economic disparity
  • disadvantaged backgrounds
  • legitimate means
  • inclusive education
  • mentorship
  • community policing
  • youth engagement
  • early intervention
  • constructive pathways
  • social services
  • at-risk families
  • root causes
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