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Band 4.5

It is Important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age, punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree wtth this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavio to children?

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Introduction
I believe
,
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apply
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 that
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
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 the concept of
right
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 and wrong is very important from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 age. And
punishment
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 is necessary to learn
this
Linking Words
 distinction.
Body paragraph 1
Because
,
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apply
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 our fundamental beliefs
builds
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build
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 from
yearly ages
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year to year
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.
Therefore
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, if a
child
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will learn
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learns
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 it incorrectly, he will not accept it later.
For example
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, we have two children. Parents of one
child
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been teaching him about
difference
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the difference
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 between
right
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or
Correct word choice
and
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 wrong. Sometimes they punish the
child
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 in order to teach him. In other hand, parents of other
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 ignore it, and leave it to
himself
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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child
Use synonyms
 will grow as a normal person. But
,
Correct determiner usage
the
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 second one will not understand what is wrong and what is
right
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. He will not
afraid
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be afraid
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 of
punishment
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. And
finally
Linking Words
, he will be
as
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apply
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a divergent in his own environment.
Body paragraph 2
Punishment
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 is very important for
the
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apply
show examples
children. Because
,
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apply
show examples
 they effectively learn from it. When you have the understanding in your mind
,
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apply
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 that if you
will
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apply
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do something, you will be punished.
Then
Linking Words
, doing it will be difficult for you.
Body paragraph 3
But
,
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apply
show examples
 not all punishments are acceptable.
For instance
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, beating a little
child
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 is prohibited.
Instead
Linking Words
 of that, you can try to make him understand his mistake
with
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in
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 other ways. You may cut access to his
favorite
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favourite
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 food or toy for a short time. And next time
when
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, when
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 he
will try
Wrong verb form
tries
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 to do something wrong, he will remember that it is prohibited, and he will not get his
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 thing.
Conclusion
In conclusion, every
child
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 should learn about
difference
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the difference
show examples
 between
right
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or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 wrong from the yearly ages. And
punishment
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 should be fair
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 you
prohibited
Verb problem
are prohibited
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 from beating the
child
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. Say if you agree fully or only in part. Your main view is clear, but it needs a more careful reason: children need rules and results, but punishment is not the only way to teach them.
task response
Answer both parts in full. You write about taking away a toy or food, which is useful, but add more safe ways: a short time out, saying sorry, fixing the harm, or losing a small right for a short time.
task response
Use a more real and fair example. Do not say that a child will grow into a bad person only because parents do not punish him. Explain that without clear rules, a child may not learn how his acts hurt other people.
task response
Develop each main point. After saying punishment works, explain why it works best when the child knows the rule, knows what he did wrong, and sees that the result is fair.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main parts, and end. Make the order even clearer: first explain why children need to learn right and wrong; next give your view on punishment; then say what parents and teachers may use.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words with the right form. For example, use “On the other hand” instead of “In other hand”, and avoid starting many lines with “Because”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each paragraph. The first main paragraph can focus on early learning. The next can focus on why fair results may help. The last can focus on what adults should and should not do.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part more direct. Write that adults should not hit children, and that any result should be short, calm, and linked to the wrong act.
task response
You answer both questions: you give your view on punishment and name safe forms of punishment.
task response
Your example of taking away a toy for a short time is clear and linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs, and the ending returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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