IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
These days, public debate has
going
Wrong verb form
gone
show examples
 over
on that should
Change preposition
to the point where
show examples
people
Use synonyms
taking
Wrong verb form
should take
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 risks in their
lives
Use synonyms
 personally and in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. I tend to believe that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of taking risks outweigh the
drawbacks-for
Punctuation problem
drawbacks, for
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 the following reasons.
Body paragraph 1
To start with, some
opportuituies
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and chances need to be strong to take
it
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them
show examples
. In other
word
Check wording
words
show examples
,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 a challenge to leave your job or country
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is not easy
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, you can not get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to change your
live
Replace the word
life
 without making difficult decisions
without making sure what
Correct word choice
and ensuring
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 the final results.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
adventures
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adventurous
people
Use synonyms
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
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 their
lives
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most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 because they
trying
Wrong verb form
try
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 out every kind of
activities
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activity
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
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apply
show examples
our brain has Dopamine that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
feeling joying
Wrong verb form
feel joy
show examples
 and
satisfying
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satisfaction
. It
release
Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
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 when
person
Correct article usage
a person
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 do some things make him
wonderd
Wrong verb form
wonder
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 what is next or
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of
exciting
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excitement
 and challenge; so that affect of personal
lives
Use synonyms
 in some way and allows
people
Use synonyms
feeling satisfying
Wrong verb form
to feel satisfied
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, one of the most reason why
should
Correct word order
people should take risks is
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 taking risk that allowing
people
Use synonyms
try
Verb problem
to try
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them self
Correct your spelling
themselves
 out
comfort
Change preposition
of their comfort
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 zone, which has
made
Verb problem
a
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 strong
impacted
Replace the word
impact
 on their personalities
, they
Punctuation problem
. They
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 can improve their skills and find out weekness point.
Body paragraph 2
I admit that, taking challenges sometimes may make
people
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west
Use the right word
waste
show examples
 their time and money in some way.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, some
people
Use synonyms
traveling
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
 to
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 new jobs or activities
Punctuation problem
, which
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which they leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
show examples
 their responsibilities or losing remain job to start another;
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 if they can not achieve success in the new career, that would be
disappointed
Replace the word
disappointing
 for some
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would argue that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of taking risk has strong
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 personalities and assist
people
Use synonyms
 in their
lives
Use synonyms
 to be
open mind
Replace the word
open-minded
.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, the advantages of taking risks outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.

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task response
Make your main view more direct: risks are good when people think first and make a plan. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Give clearer reasons for each main point. For example, explain how leaving a job can lead to better work skills, but also why it can cause money problems.
task response
Use one real and clear example. The point about dopamine is not well linked to the question, so a work or life example would be stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. Your first body paragraph has many ideas: jobs, travel, fun activities, dopamine, and skills. Split these ideas into clear parts.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of your ideas: First, Also, However, For example, As a result, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence clear before moving to the next one. Some sentences are very long and repeat ideas, so the reader may lose the main point.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph is too short. Add a clear example of a risk that fails, then explain why this problem is less important than the good results.
task response
You answer the question and clearly say that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
You include both personal life and work life, which helps you cover the whole topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “however,” “moreover,” and “therefore” to connect some ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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