IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that household duties should be shared equally between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that household duties should be shared by both
men
Use synonyms
 and women.
This
Linking Words
 issue has sparked considerable debate, and I firmly agree with the opinion. As both
men
Use synonyms
 and women can feel tired after
work
Use synonyms
, it is unfair for
anyone
Correct determiner usage
any one
show examples
 person to do most of the cooking and cleaning.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sharing chores reduces
stress
Use synonyms
 and gives each partner more time to rest or pursue their personal interests.
This
Linking Words
 essay will present well-supported arguments to justify my stance.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most compelling reasons is that it is unfair for
anyone
Correct determiner usage
any one
show examples
 person to do most of the household
work
Use synonyms
. It is because full-time jobs are quite demanding these days
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is impossible to maintain
Use synonyms
work-
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 balance.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
partners
Use synonyms
 share everyday chores, it would be easy for them to maintain a balance between
work
Use synonyms
 and
life
Use synonyms
. Apart from that, they can
also
Linking Words
 live a happy and balanced
life
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 way. One illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that Finland is known as the world's happiest country because its
partners
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 share their responsibilities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they enjoy a happy lifestyle.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
Linking Words
,
partners
Use synonyms
 can feel more stressed if everyday
work
Use synonyms
 is not shared.
This
Linking Words
 is because incomplete tasks can cause
stress
Use synonyms
. So, if
men
Use synonyms
 do not contribute to home chores, there are chances that their partner may suffer from
stress
Use synonyms
 and anxiety. A report published by
WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
show examples
 suggests that women suffer more from
stress
Use synonyms
 in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 compared to
men
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, everyday
work
Use synonyms
 should be shared by
partners
Use synonyms
 because it can help them to maintain a
work
Use synonyms
-
life
Use synonyms
 balance
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they can live a
stress
Use synonyms
-free and happy
life
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that both men and women should share work at home. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why sharing work is fair in different home and work cases.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant, but some points repeat the same idea of balance and a happy life. Add one more clear reason, such as respect, equal time with children, or less pressure on one person.
task response
Be careful with the Finland and WHO examples. They are not fully explained, and the link to the main point is weak. Use a simple, clear example from daily life, or explain exactly how the example proves your point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first body part more focused. It moves from fairness to work-life balance to happiness. Choose one main idea and explain it before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Moreover”, “Thus”, and “Additionally” are helpful, but make sure the next sentence clearly follows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words like “it” when the reader may not know what “it” means. For example, in “It is because full-time jobs...”, say clearly what you are explaining.
language
Check small word errors. Write “any one person”, not “anyone person”. Also, “household chores” is more natural than “home chores”.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the start to the end.
task response
The ideas about tired workers, less stress, and more time for rest are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader your view, and the ending returns to the same main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has a main point, followed by some explanation.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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