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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, most people prefer to rent their homes rather than buying them. Whare are the advantages and disadvantages of renting a home?

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Introduction
In some countries, some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to
rent
Use synonyms
 an
apartment
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 to live
Linking Words
instead
Change preposition
in instead
show examples
 of purchasing one. Based on my own experience and my observations, there are some
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 and disadvantages of renting a
home
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.
Body paragraph 1
As for
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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to
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of renting
show examples
rent
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 a
home
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, renting an
apartment
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 with a small
number
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amount
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 of money means there is no need for
people
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 to take
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high mortgage
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
apartment
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, which usually can
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 to millions of
loads
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dollars
show examples
 in some big cities. That can assure
people
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 with less
pressure financially
Replace the word
financial
 and
spiritually
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spiritual pressure
show examples
,
therefore
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,
people
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 have no worries
to quit
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about quitting
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 the job they don't like
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 spare more time and financial support to get married and have kids.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, renting a
home
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 rather than purchasing one provides some
flexibilities
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flexibility
show examples
 for
people
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 to move
due to
Linking Words
 work or personal considerations.
Thus
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,
people
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 can have more chances to experience new surroundings and
people
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. In China, the owner of the property takes the responsibility of housing maintenance, which
facilitate
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitates
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 the renter with more time and money to do their own business.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages of renting a
home
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. In
china
Capitalize the proper name
China
show examples
,
people
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 place great emphasis on owning a property of their own, and some of them regard
owing
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owning
show examples
 a
home
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 of their own as a symbol of independence.
Additionally
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, renting a
home
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 will
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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 them lack
of
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a
show examples
 sense of belonging to certain communities. In some big cities of China, owning
a
Correct article usage
apply
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real estate means the privilege to acquire more points to send the kids to the nearby prestigious public schools, which indeed has a profound impact on a family. Anyway,
due to
Linking Words
 some restrictions in the renting contract,
people
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 who
rent
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 a
home
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 are prohibited
to decorate
Change preposition
from decorating
show examples
 the
home
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 as they like
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 usually they are supposed to keep the
apartment
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 with the same layout.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, some
people
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 tend to
rent
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 a
home
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due to
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 less financial pressure and more
flexibilities
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flexibility
show examples
 to move,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer to purchase one to gain a sense of belonging and autonomy,
as well as
Linking Words
 more chances for
kid
Check wording
kids
show examples
 to have better
educaiton
Correct your spelling
education
.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task. To make your ideas stronger, explain each main point one step more. For example, say why moving often can help a worker, or why a home can help a child get into a good school.
task response
Use more exact examples. The example about schools in China is useful, but make it clear that this may not be true in every city or country. You could also add one clear example of a renter who must move when the owner sells the home.
task response
Keep the focus on renting. The point about getting married and having kids is not fully linked to renting, so explain this link more clearly or replace it with a closer point, such as saving money for other needs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, a benefits part, a drawbacks part, and an ending. Make the links inside long sentences clearer by using short sentences more often.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas in a more direct order. In the first body part, write about lower cost, then freedom to move, then home repair. In the second body part, write about lack of ownership, school limits, then limits on changing the home.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “therefore”, “furthermore”, and “on the other hand” are helpful, but some links are not fully clear. For example, “Anyway” does not show a clear link; use “Also” or “In addition” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or very long phrases. “That can assure people with less pressure financially and spiritually” can be written more clearly as “This can reduce money worries and stress.”
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of renting, and your main points are relevant: lower cost, freedom to move, home repair, less control, and school access.
task response
The China example gives your essay a real-world feel and helps show why owning a home can matter to some families.
coherence and cohesion
The main paragraph plan is easy to follow: an introduction, one part for benefits, one part for drawbacks, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “As for benefits”, “On the other hand”, and “To sum up”, so the reader can follow the change from one side to the other.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rent
  • renting
  • renter
  • landlord
  • tenant
  • buy
  • buying
  • home
  • house
  • money
  • cost
  • price
  • loan
  • debt
  • save
  • own
  • ownership
  • deposit
  • contract
  • agreement
  • lease
  • move
  • flexible
  • flexibility
  • repair
  • repairs
  • maintenance
  • rules
  • control
  • security
  • stability
  • risk
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • drawback
  • long-term
  • short-term
  • plan
  • future
  • life
  • family
  • job
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