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Band 6

the graph below illustrates internet users as percentage of population in the countries usa, canada and mexico between 1999 to 2009.

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the graph below illustrates internet users as percentage of population in the countries usa, canada and mexico between 1999 to 2009.
The diagram depicts the
ratio
Use synonyms
od
Correct your spelling
of
people
Use synonyms
 using
net
Correct article usage
the net
show examples
 from 3 different nations over the time period of 10 years .
Overall
Linking Words
 , it can be seen that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of canadian surffers where at
the
Correct article usage
its
show examples
 peak
at the end
Linking Words
 ,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of mexican where at
the least
Correct word choice
its lowest
show examples
as compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 2 countries from starting till end .
To begin
Linking Words
 , in 1999 , the difference between 3 countries
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 using
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 was 10 to 12
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
.
However
Linking Words
 , there was same rise in
Use synonyms
ratio
Correct article usage
the ratio
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from 1999 to 2001 in Canada and Usa . Meanwhile , there was
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 change in
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 having usage of net in 1 year
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 nearly 5%.
Sursprisingly
Correct your spelling
Surprisingly
, there was a rapid increase in
percent
Replace the word
the percentage
 of
people
Use synonyms
 of mexico to use
internet
Use synonyms
 from 2001 to 2009 . Moving forward ,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
2003
Punctuation problem
2003,
show examples
the Canadian
Correct subject-verb agreement
Canadians
show examples
 were
surffering
Correct your spelling
suffering
 more
internet
Use synonyms
 comparitively usa
citizens
Punctuation problem
citizens,
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 by 10
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
.
however
Linking Words
 in
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
show examples
 they were at the same
ratio
Use synonyms
70
Punctuation problem
, 70
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
after
Capitalize the word
After
show examples
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 there was
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 increase in
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 using
net
Correct article usage
the net
show examples
 ,
meanwhile
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
internet
Use synonyms
 user of canada shoot up to 100
Use synonyms
percentage
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. which was
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 among
3
Correct article usage
the 3
show examples
countries over the 10 years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, that is".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ratio, people, percentage, internet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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