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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
In the present age, whether professionals should
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in the
place
Use synonyms
 where
their
Verb problem
they are
show examples
 trained or not has sparked much debate. Some
people
Use synonyms
 assert that doctors and engineers need to
work
Use synonyms
 in
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
they
Rephrase
where they
show examples
 applied
training
Change preposition
for training
show examples
there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that they should have
own
Correct determiner usage
their own
show examples
 choice where they want to
work
Use synonyms
. Personally, I am in favour of the second view.
Body paragraph 1
Convincing
Correct article usage
A convincing
show examples
 argument can be made that
whether
Correct word choice
it is
show examples
 required
the
Change preposition
for
show examples
 professionals to
work
Use synonyms
 in
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
they
Rephrase
where they
show examples
 did training
there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. To start with,
this
Linking Words
 kind of job demanded mentally and
physically
Check wording
physical effort
show examples
. In other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, professionals need to be more comfortable at where they
work
Use synonyms
 so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they can adapt easily ,
as a result
Linking Words
, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be productive and creative in their job.
Moreover
Linking Words
, working in another country may provide
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 salary, which allows them to
life well-being
Replace the word
live well
.
Also
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,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 may
expanded
Wrong verb form
expand
show examples
 their relationships
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different communities
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 leads to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
significant opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, interaction with
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 working in the same field even in
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 city
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to keep up with new choices or offers.
Body paragraph 2
Admittedly, working in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 an idea about everything there and had good communications because they
trained
Verb problem
were trained
show examples
 there,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is much
simply
Replace the word
simpler
 and satisfying in some way.
In addition
Linking Words
, they do not need to take
step
Correct article usage
a step
show examples
 out
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 comfort zone or attempt to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 new cultures and communities.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I believe that some
people
Use synonyms
 need to
changes
Verb problem
make changes
show examples
 in their life to be more active because they feel
boried
Use the right word
bored
show examples
 from studying and working in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
place
Use synonyms
, so that may have
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their productivity.
Conclusion
In summary, I would concede that working in
Use synonyms
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
you
Rephrase
where you
show examples
 had
training
Punctuation problem
training,
show examples
 it is easy to
adapted
Wrong verb form
adapt
show examples
. Despite that,
people
Use synonyms
how
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 take a chance to travel and change have a positive effect on the productivity in their job.
Overall
Linking Words
, I am convinced that having
a free
Replace the word
the freedom
 to choose
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 things to success.

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task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain why a country may want doctors and engineers to stay after training, for example because it has paid for their study and needs their skills.
task response
Your own view is clear, but give stronger reasons for it. Explain why free choice can help workers and also help the country they move to.
task response
Use a clearer example. The example about meeting people in the same field does not clearly show why working in another country is better. Give one real or clear imagined case about a doctor or engineer.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. Paragraph 1 should explain the view that workers should stay. Paragraph 2 should explain the view that they should be free to move, then give your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas easier to follow. The first body paragraph begins by saying workers should stay, but most of the points support moving to another country.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a clear way: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'. Avoid very long sentences with many ideas joined by commas.
coherence and cohesion
Make key words clear and keep the same word when possible. For example, use 'the country where they trained' instead of changing between 'place', 'country', and 'city' when you mean the same idea.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly state that you support free choice for professionals.
task response
You include relevant ideas about better pay, new work chances, and being more active in a new place.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as 'Moreover', 'For example', 'However', and 'In summary'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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