IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people prefer living in the countryside, while others prefer living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer living in the
countryside
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer living in
cities
Use synonyms
. Both places have advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, living in a city is better because it provides more opportunities and services.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 prefer living in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
the
countryside
Use synonyms
 is usually quiet and peaceful. There is less traffic and noise, so
people
Use synonyms
 can have a less stressful lifestyle.
Second,
Linking Words
the air can be cleaner because there are fewer cars and factories.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 can enjoy nature and have more space around their homes.
For example
Linking Words
, families can spend their free time walking in natural areas or working in gardens.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 offer many benefits to their residents. The main advantage is that there are more job opportunities.
People
Use synonyms
 can find different types of work and may have better chances to develop their careers.
Cities
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 usually have better facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals, universities, shopping centres, and public transport.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are many activities for entertainment, including cinemas, restaurants, and sports centres.
Therefore
Linking Words
, city life can be more convenient for many
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, living in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 is attractive because it is peaceful, less polluted, and close to nature.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
cities
Use synonyms
 are a better choice because they provide more employment opportunities, services, and activities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
You discuss both places and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, add one more clear reason why city life is the best choice for you, such as better school for children or faster help in a health need.
Task response
Your ideas are clear and stay on the topic. The example about families walking and working in gardens is good. Add a real or more full example for city life too, so both sides have the same level of support.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: opening, countryside view, city view, and ending. This makes it easy to read. Keep this four-part plan in future essays.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “In addition”, and “Furthermore”. Try not to use too many at the start of each sentence. You can also link ideas by using words like “this”, “these”, or “such places”.
Coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear first sentence and then gives reasons. For even better flow, explain how each reason leads to your view. For example, say that good public transport saves time, which can make daily life easier.
Task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain why some people like the countryside, why others like cities, and you clearly state your own view.
Task response
The reasons are relevant and easy to understand, including quiet life, clean air, jobs, hospitals, schools, and transport.
Coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are in separate parts, so the reader can follow your thoughts without trouble.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending gives a short summary of both views and clearly repeats your own choice.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: