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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people join distance - learning program (study materials,post, TV, Internet) and study at home, but, some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits as attending colleges or universities does. Do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Individuals argue that
,
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apply
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 online
classes
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 do not have the same results as physical
classes
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. I partially agree that live courses are less successful than
interract
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interacting
 with a professor,
while
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i
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I
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 strongly support that in person strategy are the best. In
this
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 essay,
i
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I
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 am going to develop my point of view about the subject.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, virtual
classes
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 are becoming more
frequently
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frequent
 nowadays, because wherever
student
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students
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 are they can
login
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log in
 and connect.
Next,
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it is more efficient for people to study
by
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on
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 their own time. folks
dont
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don't
 have to hurry. At
anytime
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any time
, they can go back over lessons.
However
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,
sometime
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sometimes
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 connections are bad,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is a problem. I remember
i
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I
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 was taking a review
class
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 online
at
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in
show examples
 the middle of the
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class
Punctuation problem
class,
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 I lost connection
and
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, and
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 it was so important;
i
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I
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 was disappointed.
Therefore
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,
i
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I
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 prefer physical
class
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, the main education is physical
class
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 for
me
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me,
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 it is the best because
the
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of the
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interraction
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interaction
 with the teacher and classmates. Meanwhile, the motivation becomes an obligation to challenge.
For example
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, instructors usually give teamwork
, i
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. I
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 like
when
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it when
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 my group get the higher score
and
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, and
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while
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 working together i learn new things and
strategy
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strategies
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. As soon as I get home, I try doing
similar
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something similar
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 by myself.
Conclusion
To summarise, residents are making a point that virtual
classes
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 are less efficient than
in person
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in-person
 programs
I
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. I
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am
Verb problem
do
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 not totally support
this
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 idea because
the
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apply
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motivation and focus are
they
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the
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 key of the succes,
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therefore
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apply
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learning
program
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programs
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 from home save time and study as much as you can.
While
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 physical programs are more challenging because of the obligation of the campus, results
etc
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, etc
show examples
.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first part. You say you partly agree, but later you say both ways are good. State exactly how far you agree and keep this view to the end.
task response
Answer the key point more fully: can home study bring the same benefits as college study? Compare the benefits, such as time, cost, teacher help, friends, and group work.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why teacher and classmate contact helps learning, and explain why saved time and repeat lessons can help home students.
task response
Your personal example about losing the Internet is useful. Add one more clear example, such as a home student watching a lesson again before a test.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: first say your view, then give one paragraph about home study, one paragraph about college study, and end by restating your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. For example: “Home study has some strong points.” Then explain this point before moving to a new one.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words used in the right way: “For example,” “However,” “As a result,” and “In contrast.” Do not use many link words if the next idea is not clearly connected.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match your view. At present, it says home study saves time but also says campus study gives better results. Clearly say which is better overall and why.
task response
You discuss both home study and study in a college, so your answer stays on the topic.
task response
You give a real example of an Internet problem in an online class. This makes your point easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending. This gives the reader a basic path through your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “Firstly,” “However,” “For example,” and “To summarise.”
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