IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that cheap and fast transportation is required for successful international business, while others believe good technology is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
There is a perspective that affordable and efficient
transportation
Use synonyms
 is necessary for the success of commerce between countries,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that developed
technology
Use synonyms
 is more essential than
transportation
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. In my opinion, I agree with the latter view because the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 could bring revolutionary improvement in all factors which could impact the global economy.
Body paragraph 1
It is certain that successful international
business
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 requires the support of cheap and quick
transportation
Use synonyms
. It is because
this
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 delivers a rapid and valuable supply chain to produce profits for the
business
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.
Consequently
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, it would not provide thousands of jobs and build a sustainable
business
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.
For example
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, fresh fruits and vegetables are able to be delivered to customers who live far away from the farms because of the efficient supply chain by aeroplane or by truck. During Covid-19 pandemic, the restricted rules made the delivery expense extremely expensive, which harmed all
business
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 among countries.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, to improve the global economy, the development of
technology
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 has been the most significant element rather than the convenience of
transportation
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.
This
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 is because new
technology
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 leads to inventions that might change the whole story of international
business
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, including in
transportation
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.
For instance
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, Tesla combined multiple practical AI techniques on its electric truck to improve efficiency and quality during driving, which is a revolutionary improvement for long-distance delivery.
Therefore
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, fast and cheap
transportation
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 is reachable with the support of a high level of
technology
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I agree with the opinion that excellent
technology
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 is more crucial for international businesses than
transportation
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. Because it is
also
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 the fundamental that influences all aspects of
transportation
Use synonyms
 and the economy.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why technology is more important for business, not only for transport. For example, you could mention online meetings, online sales, and safe payment systems.
task response
Some ideas need clearer cause and result. In the first body paragraph, “Consequently, it would not provide thousands of jobs” does not fit the point. Cheap and fast transport can help firms sell more, grow, and create jobs.
task response
Your examples are useful, but make the link to international business more direct. Explain how fresh food, border rules, or truck technology affects costs, delivery time, and trade between countries.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea and then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “Consequently” should show a clear result, and “because” should be followed by a full reason. You can also use simple links such as “As a result”, “In addition”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “this” and “it” when the reader may not know what they mean. Name the idea again, for example: “Cheap transport lowers delivery costs” or “New technology improves transport systems.”
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and clearly say that technology is more important.
task response
The examples about fresh food during the Covid-19 period and electric trucks are relevant and help show your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow. The first main paragraph covers transport, and the second covers technology.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly repeats your view and brings the essay to a natural end.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • international business
  • face-to-face meetings
  • build business relationships
  • negotiate a contract
  • inspect production facilities
  • attend trade fairs
  • transport infrastructure
  • affordable air travel
  • delivery times
  • global supply chains
  • digital communication
  • video conferencing
  • cloud-based platforms
  • real-time collaboration
  • reduce operating costs
  • remote working
  • access global markets
  • maintain client relationships
  • routine business operations
  • high-value meetings
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