IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree).

7.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that unpaid
community
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because volunteering can help
students
Use synonyms
 develop important life
skills
Use synonyms
 and prepare them for their future.
However
Linking Words
, schools should give
students
Use synonyms
 some choice in the type of
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 they do.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, education should not be limited to academic subjects. Young
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need to develop soft
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as teamwork, self-discipline and empathy.
Community
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 gives
students
Use synonyms
 an opportunity to
work
Use synonyms
 with different
people
Use synonyms
, help others and become more responsible.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 could organise charity events, improve their neighbourhood or teach sports to younger children. These activities teach them how to cooperate with others and understand the needs of
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may develop a strong
work
Use synonyms
 ethic and become more active members of society.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
 to developing life
skills
Use synonyms
,
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 can help
students
Use synonyms
 with their future plans. Universities and employers often look for qualities that academic grades alone cannot show. Volunteering can demonstrate that a student is responsible, willing to take part in activities and able to
work
Use synonyms
 well with others.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 experience may help young
people
Use synonyms
 stand out when applying for university or their first job.
Body paragraph 3
Admittedly, compulsory
community
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 could reduce
students
Use synonyms
' free time and put extra pressure on those who already have a heavy workload.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 problem could be reduced if schools allowed
students
Use synonyms
 to choose suitable activities and required only a reasonable number of hours.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe unpaid
community
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 should be part of high school education because it develops practical and interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 and can support
students
Use synonyms
' future education and employment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you answer both parts of the question well. To make the answer even stronger, explain more fully why the work should be required for all students, not only why it is useful.
task response
Your main ideas are good: life skills and help with future work or study. Add one more clear detail about how a school can make the work fair for students with jobs, family care, or a lot of school work.
task response
Your examples fit the topic well. You could make one example more real and full. For example, say how teaching sport to young children can build patience, planning, and care for others.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, two main points, a short other view, and a closing paragraph. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main point and stays on it. Keep using this clear paragraph plan.
coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as “Firstly”, “In addition”, “However”, and “In conclusion”, are used well. You can also use a few more simple links inside long parts, such as “for this reason” or “because of this”, to show the steps in your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The other view is placed well near the end. It would be stronger if you gave one short reason why choice and a small number of hours would solve the problem.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep the same view through the whole essay.
task response
You answer the topic in a full way by showing both the good side of required service and one possible problem.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what your two main ideas will be, and the closing brings them together clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a natural order, and the reader can easily see the point of each paragraph.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: