IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering form health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent to you agree or disagree with this opinion?

5.0 / 9
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Introduction
In many nations,
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
show examples
 food industry gained
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of popularity
due to
Linking Words
 fast pace lifestyle that leads to many
health related
Correct your spelling
health-related
 issues like obesity and diabetes. I disagree with the statement that imposing taxes would help to improve the situation.
However
Linking Words
, the
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should
aware
Verb problem
be aware
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
to eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 healthy,
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
 exercise and
work life
Correct your spelling
work-life
 balance.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
eating
Correct article usage
the eating
show examples
 habits of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 have
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
changed over the decade
due to
Linking Words
change
Correct article usage
a change
show examples
 in lifestyle.
People
Use synonyms
 are working more hours than ever before to pay their bills and
the lifestyle to sustain
Correct word order
sustain a lifestyle
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 economy. More hours at work
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in less time for themselves to cook, clean,
workout
Replace the word
work out,
 and
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 time with their loved ones. Goverment should cut the taxes on
grocery
Check wording
groceries
show examples
 and daily life needs to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to make their food at home.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the concept of
single income
Correct your spelling
single-income
 families
is
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 almost vanished because they can't afford
living
Wrong verb form
to live
show examples
 anymore. As a
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
, when both parents are
working
Punctuation problem
working,
show examples
 they get no time to produce or cook for the
kids
Use synonyms
 and themselves.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, eating habit isn't the only problem.
People
Use synonyms
 are losing interest in physical activities like outdoor sports, gym or even
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 evening walk.
Specially
Use the right word
Especially
show examples
 young
kids
Use synonyms
 are suffering from obesity because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of activity. They are so
indulge
Replace the word
indulged
 with their mobile phones and other technologies around them that they don't even think
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 necessary to leave their room. What even worse is that the
kids
Use synonyms
 are losing their
playareas
Correct your spelling
play areas
. In many localities, there are not enough playgrounds for the children
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 kills the motivation to play outside. Goverment should invest more in public parks, community centres and sports
complex
Check wording
complexes
show examples
 for the
kids
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, imposing taxes on fast food would only make it worse
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 giving rebates on purchasing groceries might benefit. Nations should encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to mainatin work life balance and promote physical activities to fight against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health issues.

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task response
State your view more fully in the first paragraph. Say why a higher tax may not solve the problem, then keep linking each body paragraph back to this main view.
task response
Your ideas about low-cost food, work hours, and places to play are useful. However, explain more clearly why these steps would work better than a tax on fast food.
task response
Add one clear real-life example. For example, explain how lower prices for fruit and vegetables could help a busy family choose home-made meals.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims. Instead of saying a tax would “only make it worse”, explain what may happen, such as fast food becoming costly for low-income people while food habits stay the same.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body paragraphs, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make the link between the two body paragraphs clearer: both should show why a tax is not the best answer.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show cause and result, such as “because”, “therefore”, “as a result”, and “for this reason”. This will make long ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph moves between work, food prices, and family life. Start with the main point, then give two or three connected reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph restate your view and the two main reasons in a direct way. Do not add a new main idea at the end.
task response
You answer the question directly and make your position clear: you do not support a higher tax on fast food.
task response
You give more than one useful answer to the health problem, including help with home cooking and more places for exercise.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion” helps the reader see the main parts of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph has a clear focus on low activity, especially among children, and this supports your wider point about health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast food consumption
  • health complications
  • obesity
  • non-communicable diseases
  • sugar tax
  • fiscal policies
  • preventive measures
  • public health crisis
  • economic disparities
  • nutritional education
  • culinary habits
  • consumer behavior
  • subsistence level
  • progressive taxes
  • food deserts
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