IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In a number of countries, some people think it’s necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In a number of countries, some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is exemplary to spend huge amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 on building new railway lines for faster
transport
Use synonyms
 throughout cities.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some groups think the
money
Use synonyms
 should be used to improve existing public transportation.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I believe that fixing already existing
transport
Use synonyms
 is better than building new
railways
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I think improving the current
transport
Use synonyms
 is the better choice for most cities.
For example
Linking Words
, in Australia, new
transport
Use synonyms
 systems were built
instead
Linking Words
 of improving the
railways
Use synonyms
 they already had, and I thought that it was a waste of
money
Use synonyms
 because improving their
transport
Use synonyms
 systems has more advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as being more cost-effective and the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 are already used to
this
Linking Words
 way of transportation.
Body paragraph 2
Building new
railways
Use synonyms
 has some advantages, but the disadvantages outweigh them. I can only think of one reason why countries would build new
railways
Use synonyms
, which is if their existing
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 was so outdated that it could not be fixed, or some reason to that extent.
This
Linking Words
 might happen in smaller countries or cities that are just starting to grow, where there isn't already a
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 to fix.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, improving existing public
transport
Use synonyms
 is a much better option because
people
Use synonyms
 have gotten used to the usual public
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 of their country, and because it costs less to renovate and improve than to build a whole new railway line.
Also
Linking Words
, building something new usually takes many years, so
people
Use synonyms
 would have to wait a long time before they can even use it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I think that it's not a great idea to build new
railways
Use synonyms
 and that it's better for the community if governments spend
money
Use synonyms
 on improving the public
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both sides and give a clear view. However, the view for new fast rail is too short. Add more than one clear reason, such as less time between cities, more room for people, and less road traffic.
task response
Make sure your ideas fit the topic. The topic is about fast trains between cities, but your essay often says transport “throughout cities”. Write more about travel from one city to another.
task response
Develop each main idea with a reason and a result. For example, say that better buses, trains, and stations can help many people every day, especially people who cannot use cars.
task response
The Australia example is not clear enough. Say what was built, what old service had a problem, and why the new plan cost too much. A clear real or made-up example will make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. The order is easy to follow. Still, the first body part should fully explain the new-rail view before you say why you do not agree with it.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same point many times: old transport costs less and people are used to it. Add new points, such as safety, service time, and help for poor or old people.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear job. For the other view, try “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”. For your own view, use “However”, “Also”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hold many ideas. Split them into two short sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view in the end.
task response
You include both main sides of the question and give reasons for your choice.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and match each other.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a sensible order, and the reader can see your main points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • investment
  • urban mobility
  • commuters
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • accessibility
  • rejuvenate
  • cost-effective
  • traffic congestion
  • economic sustainability
  • tourism
What to do next:
Look at other essays: