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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it’s necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In a number of countries, some people think it is exemplary to spend huge amounts of money on building new railway lines for faster
transport
Use synonyms
 throughout cities.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some groups think the money should be going towards improving existing public
transportation
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I believe that fixing already existing
transport
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 systems is better than building new
railways
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in Australia, they built new
transport
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 systems
instead
Linking Words
 of improving the
railways
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 they already have
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I thought that it was a waste of money because improving their
transport
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 systems has more
advantages
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,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 It is much more
cost effective
Correct your spelling
cost-effective
 in the long run
, another
Punctuation problem
. Another
show examples
 reason is that people are already used to the usual way of
transportation
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 that they have in their country.
Body paragraph 2
Building new
railways
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 has some
advantages
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like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 the
fact
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 that it would be faster to commute from one place to another rather than the usual
transport
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system
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, there
Punctuation problem
. There
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 the
fact
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 that the
system
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 of
this
Linking Words
 new railway line is newer and would be an upgrade from the public
transport
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system
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.
While
Linking Words
 these are all good
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advantages
Punctuation problem
advantages,
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 I think the disadvantages outweigh the
advantages
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. It would cost more to build a new
system
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rather
Correct word choice
apply
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than
renovating
Wrong verb form
to renovate
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 the old
system
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.
Body paragraph 3
Improving public
transportation
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 has the advantage of familiarity
,
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;
show examples
 people are already used to
this
Linking Words
system
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 and have learned how it works over time, since it has been
introduced
Change preposition
around for
show examples
 a very long time
ago
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. There is
also
Linking Words
 the
fact
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 that
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is much more affordable to fix public
transportation
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 issues
Conclusion
In conclusion, I don't think that it's a great idea to make new
railways
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,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 In
Use synonyms
fact
Punctuation problem
fact,
show examples
 I think that if the government spent these funds on existing
transport
Use synonyms
, that would be more beneficial for the residents of said country.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, the first view needs more detail. Explain why fast trains may help people, such as by cutting travel time between cities and helping work or trade.
task response
Make your ideas more clear and full. Your main reason for improving old transport is cost, but you repeat it. Add other reasons, such as helping more daily users, cutting road traffic, and making travel safer.
task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. The Australia example is not clear because it says new systems were built, then says improving systems has more good points. State what happened and why it shows your idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. To make the flow better, give one full paragraph to fast trains and one full paragraph to old public transport.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give a reason, explain it, and add an example. This will stop some long sentences from joining many ideas at once.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. For example: “On the one hand” for new rail lines, “On the other hand” for old transport, and “Therefore” before your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same ideas and words, such as “system”, “transport”, and “fact”. You can use “services”, “trains”, “buses”, or “the current network” when needed.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss new rail lines, improving current public transport, and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the two views are, and the conclusion clearly repeats your final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links between ideas, such as “For example”, “While”, “In contrast”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • investment
  • urban mobility
  • commuters
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • accessibility
  • rejuvenate
  • cost-effective
  • traffic congestion
  • economic sustainability
  • tourism
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