IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that all animals should be protected, and other say that only some animals should be protected. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In contemporary society, the protection of
animals
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 sparked heated debate
as
Change preposition
due to
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 the huge investment and the limited returns. Some people contend that all the
animals
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 should be under consideration,
while
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others
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 claim that only a part of them should be
chosed
Wrong verb form
chosen
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 to be protected.
This
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 essay will examine both the opinion and illustrate why I am in favour of the latter one,
reckoning
Verb problem
considering
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 that not all kinds of
animals
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 deserve to be protected.
Body paragraph 1
People standing for the protection of all
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animals
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animal
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 species may
lie in
Verb problem
overlook
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 the fact that human
behaviors
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behaviours
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 are the culprits of
danger
Correct article usage
the danger
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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imposed on
animals
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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thus
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 we should bear the responsibility to protect them all.
For example
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, industrialisation, deforestation, and overfishing
enormously
Verb problem
have enormously
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 destroyed the habitats of
animals
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 and
push
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pushed
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 some of them to the brink of extinction.
For
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this
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 reason, humans are accountable
to save
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for saving
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 all the
animals
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. Another compelling reason is that one animal, as a part of the whole animal chain, has a crucial influence
to
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on
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others
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. That means
due to
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 the neglect
to
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of
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 one single animal, it may bring unprecedented damage to a wide range of them,
further
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impact
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impacting
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 humans.
Body paragraph 2
Others
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, by way of contrast, insist that only some of them should be protected in
the
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apply
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consideration of financial pressure and the potential benefits from the activities. As it requires a huge amount of money if the protection remains at a large scale,
definitely it will
Correct word order
it will definitely
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 add
up
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apply
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to the heavy financial burden
to
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on
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 all layers of
governments
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government
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, making it impossible to keep running in the long term.
Besides
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, they may think the aid to certain
animals
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 can yield visible benefits immediately
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while
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, while
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 some
not
Verb problem
do not
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.
For instance
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, through breeding some of the
animals
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 can we get fresh eggs, abundent fur and even flesh, which can be put into the market and generate financial benefits in the short term.
Nevertheless
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, the
growing
Replace the word
growth
 of some species' population cannot make
contribution
Correct article usage
a contribution
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 to human interest but
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on
Punctuation problem
, on
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 the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 give rise to risks to
others
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. A good illustration of
this
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 is that a over huge population of fish may compete with other fish types and diminish their spaces to survive. In
this
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 sense, not all the protections are reasonable and feasible.
Conclusion
In conclusion. As human
behaviors
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behaviours
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 are the main reason for some
animals
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' hardship,
that is
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 why we should take action to help them.
However
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consideration of limited financial ability and potential risks it may pose, I reckon that we should protect only part of them rather than all of them.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. To make your view stronger, explain which animals should be saved, such as animals in danger or animals that are key to nature.
task response
Be careful with the idea that animals should be saved only when they bring money or food. This is not fully safe because animals can be important to nature even if people do not see a fast use.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, say how loss of bees can hurt food plants, or how too much fishing can harm sea life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: start, first view, second view, and end. Keep each body part focused on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Split them into two short sentences, especially when you give a reason and then a result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For this reason”, “However”, and “For example” work well. Do not use “In conclusion.” with a full stop; write “In conclusion,” and then continue the sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part match your main view more closely. State that limited money should go first to animals in danger and to those that help keep nature in balance.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you show both sides and clearly say which side you support.
task response
Your first body part gives two clear reasons for saving all animals: human harm and the link between animals in nature.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow, and each body part has a clear job.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts, such as “For example”, “Besides”, “Nevertheless”, and “In conclusion”.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation status
  • ecological significance
  • holistic approach
  • endangered species
  • natural heritage
  • unforeseen negative impacts
  • economically non-viable
  • prioritization
  • ecosystem balance
  • conservation efforts
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