IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important aim of science shoud be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Science
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 affects us in our daily
lives
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. We use
science
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 for almost everything, even if we do not
realize
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realise
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 it.
For instance
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, our cars are invented through physics, which helps them move safely and efficiently on the road.
Therefore
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, many people believe that the primary goal of
science
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 should be to improve human life, and I completely agree with
this
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 view
while
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also
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 acknowledging its role in expanding our knowledge.
Body paragraph 1
Moreover
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,
science
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 has improved our health and wellness by making treatments for diseases like cancer. Chemotherapy has helped many patients recover from cancer by targeting and destroying
bad
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cancer
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 cells.
Also
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, during
2020
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2020,
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 the world was suffering from COVID-19 until the COVID-19 vaccine was released to protect people and stop the virus from spreading.
Furthermore
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, treatments like supplements or even medical devices are all invented by scientists to monitor health and save
lives
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.
Body paragraph 2
Nowadays, we use technology in almost everything.
For example
Linking Words
, we use it in devices, transportation, and education. You cannot develop any of these things without using
science
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, because
science
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 uses logic for solving the problems we face in our daily
lives
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Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as finding fast ways to communicate or travel
and
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, and
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 it makes our
life
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lives
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 easier.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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,
science
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 is not only about improving our
lives
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; it is
also
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 about understanding how our universe works, like studying space, planets, and natural laws, which ultimately leads to future inventions that benefit us later.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
science
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 is important in many ways.
While
Linking Words
 it helps us understand the universe, its most important aim remains to improve people's
lives
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. It is not just a subject you learn in school; it is something we need in our daily
lives
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 to survive and grow.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear in the first part. Say that you fully agree, then give two main reasons: health and daily life.
task response
Give more detail about how science helps people. For example, explain how vaccines lower the risk of serious illness and help hospitals care for fewer sick people.
task response
The space point is good, but link it more clearly to your view. Show that learning about space can lead to new tools that help people in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. To make the flow better, begin each body part with one clear main idea, then add an example and an explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use “Moreover”, “Also”, and “Furthermore” well, but do not use too many in one part. Simple links such as “For this reason” and “As a result” can show cause and effect.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are put together too quickly. In the technology part, split the long idea into shorter sentences so the reader can follow it more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus in each part. The health part is strong because all its examples are about health. Do the same in the technology part by choosing one or two clear examples.
task response
You answer the question clearly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
Your examples of cancer treatment and the COVID-19 vaccine are useful and closely linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, clear body parts, an opposite view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The opposite view about learning about the universe adds balance and makes your answer more complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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