IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

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Introduction
With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal
species
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 are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat , and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect
animals
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? What measures can be taken to deal with
this
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 problem?
Body paragraph 1
The belief that humans have more power than other living organisms has been passed down through many generations over centuries.
This
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 is embedded in our attitude that we can deforest, expand our living areas, and hunt wild
animals
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 for pleasure without considering the consequences. One of the main effects is a decline in the number of animal
species
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.
This
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 passage aims to discuss the causes and the suggested solutions for
this
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 problem.
Body paragraph 2
A drastic growth of the human population leads to a huge demand for space to live, do agriculture, and work, leading to deforestation for urban development.
This
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 causes the reduction of the area for
animals
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' habitats. With a limited area, the number of animal
species
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 cannot remain constant or increase because there is less area for them to find food and breed. Eventually, they are in an endangered situation and could become extinct, resulting in an imbalance in biodiversity.
Body paragraph 3
To prevent
this
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 problem, the government should inhibit all urban development without consequence evaluation.
Furthermore
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, deforestation should
also
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 be banned since we have many materials that can be substituted for wood.
Lastly
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, any illegal animal hunting should be followed by a severe penalty. All of these measures can prevent human actions that harm wild
animals
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 and maintain biodiversity.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, the prevention of wild
animals
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 from extinction
due to
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 human threats is an essential practice to preserve the balanced number of living
species
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.
This
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 can be done mainly by prohibiting all risky activities by humans that can disrupt the
animals
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' habitat.

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task response
Answer the first question more directly. Say clearly why protecting animals is important, such as keeping nature in balance, protecting food and water, and saving animals for the future.
task response
Give more detail for each action. For example, governments can make protected areas, check building plans, stop people from cutting too many trees, and give strong punishment to hunters.
task response
Add one clear real or possible example. For instance, before a new road is built, the government can check if it will harm a forest or animal homes.
task response
Avoid very broad ideas such as stopping all city growth or banning all tree cutting. Explain how growth can happen in a safer way, with limits and plans to protect animal homes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make the order stronger, use one body paragraph for why animals need protection and one body paragraph for actions to solve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “because”, “therefore”, “as a result”, and “for example”. Make sure each link shows the exact relation between the two ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the main point of each paragraph clear. The first body paragraph should focus on the harm caused by loss of homes. The next should focus only on practical actions.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the idea of less space for animals. Combine them or add a new point, such as how habitat loss makes it hard for animals to find food, water, and safe places to have young.
task response
You explain a clear cause of the problem: more people need land for homes, work, and farming, so animal homes become smaller.
task response
You offer useful actions, including checking building plans, reducing tree cutting, and giving strong punishment for illegal hunting.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main ideas follow a sensible order from cause to solution.
coherence and cohesion
The use of paragraphs helps the reader follow your ideas easily.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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