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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to p

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
The belief that humans have more power than other living organisms has been passed on through many generations over centuries.
This
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 is embedded in our attitude that we can deforest, expand our living
area
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 and hunt wild
animals
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 for pleasure without considering the consequences. One of the main effects is a decline in the number of animal species.
This
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 passage aims to discuss the causes and the suggested solutions for
this
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 problem.
Body paragraph 1
A drastic growth of the human population leads to a huge demand for space to live, do agriculture and work, leading to deforestation for urban development. It causes the reduction of the
area
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 for
animals
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' habitat. With a limited
area
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, the number of animal species cannot remain constant or increase because there is less
area
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 for them to find food and breed. Eventually, they are in an endangered situation and could become extinct, resulting in an imbalance in biodiversity.
Body paragraph 2
To prevent
this
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 problem, the government should inhibit all of the urban development without consequence evaluation.
Furthermore
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, deforestation should
also
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 be banned since we have many materials that can be subsituted wood.
Lastly
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, any illegal animal hunting should be followed by a severe penalty. All of these measures can prevent human actions that harm wild
animals
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 and maintain biodiversity.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, the prevention of wild
animals
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 from extinction
due to
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 human threats is an essential practice to preserve the balanced number of living species.
This
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 can be done mainly by prohibiting all of risky activities from human that can disrupt the
animals
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' habitat.

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task response
Answer the full question more directly. State clearly why it is important to protect endangered animals, then explain your reasons in separate body parts.
task response
Develop each main idea further. For example, explain how the loss of one animal can affect plants, food, and other animals.
task response
Use one clear real or possible example, such as forests being cut down for homes and farms, to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep one main idea in each body part and add more detail before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. For example: “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In addition” can show the link between cause, effect, and action.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated, especially about stopping human acts. Add a wider range of actions, such as protected areas, law checks, and public learning.
coherence and cohesion
Make your solution ideas more exact. Instead of stopping all city growth, say that governments should check the effect on nature before they allow new building work.
task response
You identify key human causes: cutting down forests, city growth, and hunting.
task response
You give practical actions, including laws against hunting and limits on forest loss.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, with an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to the main point: people should protect animals from harm caused by humans.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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