Extreme sports such as sky diving and sking are very dangerous and should be banned.To what extend do you agree or disagree withe this view?

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Introduction
It is true that sky diving,sking etc are extreme
sports
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,
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;
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they are very dangerous.
While
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some
people
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tend towards the viewpoint that
banned
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bans
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these
sports
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,
i
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I
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would have to support the idea that
people
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should
choice sport
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choose sports
by themselves.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,it is understandable
for
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that
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some
people
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believe that
banned
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banning
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extreme
sports
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can slow down population
delicated
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growth
,one of the main reasons
can be
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being that
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extreme
sports
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are not
safty
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safe
.
This
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means that extreme
sports
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equipment
are
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is
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not perfect
that
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, so
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people
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could have be live dangerous.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,it is more convincing
for
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to
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me that extreme
sport
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sports
show examples
should not be banned.
Firstly
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,
i
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I
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believe science can help
people
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control themselves better.
This
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is because technology is
more
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getting better
show examples
and
more
Rephrase
apply
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better.
People
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can use new equipment
while
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they can
face to skying
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go skiing
show examples
.
Secondly
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,the fact that many
people
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needs
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need
show examples
extreme
sports
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to relax themselves,especially outdoorsy
athletic
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activities
.
In other words
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,some
athletics
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athletes
show examples
play some extreme
sports
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like diving or
sking
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skiing
to help them
clean
Verb problem
clear
show examples
their mind that find
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
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possible to
winner
Replace the word
win
the
conpany
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company
.
Conclusion
In sum up,
although
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extreme
sports
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have some
danerousness
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danger
,it seems to me that
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people
Check wording
people's
show examples
choice they want to try is more important.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that you disagree with a full ban, but that strong safety rules are needed.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and a simple example. For example, say how better training, rules, and safety gear can make skydiving less dangerous.
task response
Some ideas are hard to understand. Replace ideas such as “slow down population” with a clear point about death or serious injury.
task response
Use examples that fit the point. The idea about athletes winning a company is not clear. Explain how people may use these sports for fun, health, or to feel free.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the link between each sentence clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one main point. Then add a reason, an example, and a short result. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words correctly, such as “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”. Do not begin too many sentences with “This is because”.
coherence and cohesion
Make your final paragraph shorter and clearer. Restate your view and give one main reason, rather than adding a new idea.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear general view that people should be free to choose their sport.
task response
You include both sides: the danger of these sports and the reasons not to ban them.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a useful four-part shape: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Firstly”, and “Secondly” help show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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